Vignette
by AngelOfDeath10
Summary: [finished] 1xR, a series of shorts exploring the tension in the relationship between Heero and Relena, :D
1. One

I just want to do something different for myself: a bunch of very short scenes. It may not tell a direct narrative. I mainly want to focus on the feeling of the situation, not the story itself. I've wanted to start a project like this for a while and I hope I get some good feedback. Anyway. . .  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing. Never will.  
  
* * *  
  
The sun was setting and Heero became warier in the approaching darkness. Everything about his life revolved around caring for and protecting the only real woman in his life. If Relena was safe he could sleep at night, but he never knew if she was truly safe. When she was not by his side, at night in her house, or when he was forced to take a vacation occasionally, he felt all rigid and ill at ease. Her life was everything; her peace was maintained through her presence. Until politically things stabilized he could never relax. Her office door opened and she walked up to the window facing towards the setting sun that Heero had not spared a glance towards. Her hair lit up in shades of red. It was as if she were covered in blood. Heero fought the urge to pull her away from the window, as he imagined Relena mangled, stained, beyond his control.  
  
"It's very beautiful. I never take the time to just look. But I might as well, considering I have such a wonderful view in this building." She turned and smiled at him. As usual, he was stoic. "Thank you for waiting, I just had more to go over than I thought I did."  
  
"It's my job." Curt. Official. How very like Heero. Relena sighed a little and then smiled again. For a moment she seemed to consider something. Biting her lip reflectively, she seemed to search her mind for a decision with words just perched on her lips.  
  
"You are always so tense Heero. I worry about you." Relena worry about him? What a funny twist. She was the one who needed protection, she was the one the world looked to time and again when peace seemed at its most fragile and yet in her heart she still found compassion for him. As always she was ideal in ways that he could not even begin to approach.  
  
"Hn." He had no real response. He began to walk away, and as he turned he didn't see her brow furrow or her look of intense anxiety, but he did feel her presence behind him. She was walking closer than usual, and then he felt something in the air around him stir. He halted as her hand brushed his shoulder, unknowingly causing muscles to twitch. If he had had just a little less presence of mind he might have broken her hand for something like that, but that would mean forgetting Relena herself - a feat he long ago gave up as impossible.  
  
"Just let me do this for you, please?" Her question was so plaintive. Her hand so gently resting on him was more effective than any restraint ever applied to him. [Don't you know I can never refuse you, Relena?] The words were loud and unwelcome in his mind, shouting out a weakness he refused to show. As it was, he did not move or speak. ". . . I'll take that as a yes." He felt her smile, as she worked his jacket off. For a moment she paused, then tugged at the gun holster he wore over his shirt. Naturally she would hesitate to touch his guns, so he removed them for her. Reaching in front of him she tugged at and took off his tie. At this point he refused to guess at what she was doing. To hope for the impossible would only cause him the kind of emotional pain he had supposedly numbed himself too. Yet, the air around them didn't feel sexual. . .  
  
He almost gasped when her hands moved over his back muscles, prodding and making circular patterns. She was giving him a back massage. Those delicate hands and relatively weak muscles were trying to ease the countless hours of stress caught up in him on her behalf. As always she was something else. Wherever she was and whatever she did, there was always the desire to give. All he could do was kill for her, but in some ways he couldn't even do that anymore. It was she who changed him from murderer to protector. She was change. She was life. [And that's why you love her. . .] It was a rogue thought; he quickly smothered it lest he taint the purity of what she was doing for him. Instead he focused in on those slim fingers currently working away weeks of built in tension in his body.  
  
"What's wrong? You twitched. Am I- am I hurting you?" It was a laughable question, and he indeed barked out a quick chuckle.  
  
"No. I don't think you could hurt me if you tried."  
  
"I'm glad." Her arms wrapped around him and he felt her cheek rest against his back as she hugged him. So close to her, yet as always he was turned away from her. It seems as if they were always like that: close and yet missing each other somehow. As always, it was he that maintained the barrier. And true to character it was him that pulled away to pick up his gun holsters. Relena wondered if she would start crying. Heero was so distant and she never knew the way to reach him. Maybe it wasn't possible to reach him.  
  
As they sat in the car on the way to her house, Heero saw her sad face and felt like he needed to tell her something. Gripping the steering wheel, he searched for the words. She had to know that she was too good for him. That he fought against his almost scary obsession with her in his most private moments. But all he could manage to get out was simply. . .  
  
"Thank you, Relena." He leaned towards her, inhaling the lingering scent of her hair. She looked up at him sharply, no longer fixated on the stars just coming out in the clear sky. "I feel much better. Hn. Yes." A natural smile spread slowly across her face. Daringly, she caressed his face with one hand. He didn't move.  
  
"Anytime Heero. You have more knotted back muscles than anyone else I know, and you could use some time to let go." The car stopped and she stepped out. Another day and he had protected this precious creature who even now tempted him in a vague way he would not allow himself to respond to. "If you ever need to let go. . . I'll be here for you. It's my job to look after you, you know." She stepped away towards her house leaving Heero behind. 


	2. Two

Still trying to rise above my banal descriptions and massive repetition problem. Meh. This may or may not be considered linked to the first bit, I'm not writing it to follow that in particular. Still just making scenes. . .  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own it. . .  
  
* * *  
  
Heero paced about his apartment. There was nothing for him to do here. Often he didn't sleep much at night because he didn't need it. It had been suggested to him once that he try to go out and have some fun. Fun was elusive for him. There was no time for fun when you are an assassin. Now that he was no longer an assassin in name did not make him any different in his thought patterns. But he had accepted it for so long it didn't occur to him to think that this was a bad way to be. Outside forces always sought to mold him. He had always taken orders, and completed missions with grim single mindedness and ruthless efficiency. The cycle of his life had been such. There was no room to be selfish in a world like that, it was burned out of you by the demands of others.  
  
[That's a lie.] His mind yelled at him. [You are extremely selfish. . . just think of Re-]  
  
"NO!" He yelled it out and the insulated walls of his small apartment absorbed it. He had wanted a small apartment because it was easier to fortify. Plus there was no need for anything larger. He barely spent any time there. All that lay out were some gun parts and computer equipment, otherwise it looked just the same as the day he moved in. Maybe dustier.  
  
[You're skirting the issue.] The damn voice in his head taunted him. [She is your weakness. She is the mission you didn't complete because you didn't want to. She embodies everything you want. . . ]  
  
"Shut up." He whispered it to himself. It was crazy to think this way. He had been a good soldier during the war and killing or not killing Relena had been a strategic decision on his part. In the long run it had paid off. All the more to trust his emotions, as he always claimed he did.  
  
[Trust your emotions, bah. You don't even know what they are. Especially when it comes to her.] This was pointless. Yet, his idle conscious moments often sent him back to this topic. It was what kept him up at night, and what drove him mad when his hormones acted up. The first time he had dreamed about Relena she had been threatened by some unseen force and he couldn't save her. He had doubled his surveillance of her the next week. After that he had dreamed about her running towards him, only to be shot before his eyes. He started personally guarding her exclusively after that. After that he had dreamed. . . no he wouldn't think of that. Unbidden, stray images from that night floated in front of his mind's eyes. . . Relena's lips, Relena's skin, Relena's hair swirling around his body as she stripped off her. . . [Told you you didn't know what your emotions are. Heh.]  
  
"Fine." He would admit it to himself. At this time, so late at night it was early morning, he would tell the truth. He wanted Relena. He wanted everything to use and love and protect he would take up the sword again, so to speak, if only she would gift that to him. But all he could do was look. She was not his to take, or even to ask. As a figure on the world stage she needed strength, and how could his weakness ever feed her strength?  
  
His phone rang. Picking it up, he made no gesture to say hello. He ran a hand through his messy hair impatiently. Grimacing, he noticed how greasy it was. He should take a shower after he finished this call. Anyone calling would know that he was there if he had picked it up in the first place, so the silence continued. A hesitant voice haltingly crackled over the ether. "Heero?" It was Relena. Checking the glowing clock on the microwave in the small kitchenette he noted the time. 1:34am. It was like he was unconsciously making a police report. Why would she call now? What had happened? Alarm settled in quickly, but he asked no questions. "I, er, heard a noise and I'd prefer not to be alone. Please come over." She sounded so small. Inside his chest his heart contracted painfully at the thought of her not feeling safe. It would be his failure.  
  
"I'll be right over." He hung up without waiting for her answer. Grabbing his guns, yet forgetting his coat, he slipped on some shoes and left his apartment. No shower tonight apparently.  
  
Relena met him at the door of her fairly large house. Heero saw her wide eyes, rimmed with the tired smudges of one who hadn't slept in a while. She tried to smile, and almost succeeded. When it came to Heero she never quite managed to fake her emotions as well as she could in front of others. He had often had that effect on people. No one could hide emotions better than he could, why should they pretend? Everything about her looked to be meticulously taken care of, as if she had been doing nothing but carefully presenting an image. As with many things that were a little too perfect, it gave the viewer a vague sense of unease.  
  
"I'm so sorry Heero." She looked like she was going to break. A porcelain doll, with her painted on smile and pale pallor. "I lied to you about seeing something, but I had to have someone here." Pulling him inside her dark house by his shirt she threw herself against him and began to cry. Not knowing what else to do, he wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed. He felt as if there was something he was forgetting. Then it came to him all in a rush. This was the anniversary of her father's death. It was only a few years ago, after all. No one would guess how it still haunted her. They were both so young. His hand clutched at her head, pushing her into his chest. The feeling of her hair flowing and tangling about his hand made him so aware of her just as her tears soaking through his shirt did. When the shaking of her body subsided, Relena pulled away and ran off. Heero stood in the doorway, confused as to what to do or say. He thought about leaving.  
  
When she returned, eyes red but no longer seeming frantic, Relena offered Heero a clean shirt. "I know it's one of my dress shirts, but it's large and it's clean." He looked down and realized that she actually thought he minded the wet feeling covering his chest. Ultimately he accepted the offered shirt because he thought it would make her feel better. Her smile made him sure he had made the right decision. "You must think me terribly weak. . . and I don't blame you. I am weak sometimes. Promise you won't tell?" Her eyes shone with unshed tears as she forced the smile. With a gasp, she found herself embraced by Heero.  
  
"Never say you're weak. You're just human." He didn't know if the words were for him or for her, but it was what he felt was true in that moment and he needed to say it. After a moment, he realized he was still holding her. Even in the state she was in, he couldn't help but think of her proximity. How pliant she was, so soft in places he wasn't. Suddenly he found himself all too aware of her breasts pressed against him. He swallowed hard, and dropped his arms from around her as if she had live current running through her.  
  
"I'm sorry." He began to walk towards the door, but jerked after taking a step. She had grabbed his shirt from behind. Without a word she began to walk somewhere, Heero in tow. They walked through the house in this manner: Relena striding forward purposefully, Heero walking backwards with a bemused expression. They passed through shadowed rooms that cast terrible images on walls and only slowly revealed the knowledge to Heero that Relena probably spent just as much time alone in her house as he did in his apartment. They only stopped when they reached the one room that had a light on. It was a small lamp on her bedside table. A book lay open near it. A glass of water made strange forms swirl on its pages. Relena closed the curtains to her windows. When she turned back to Heero, she had the same look on her face that she wore when doing her toughest negotiating.  
  
"Never, ever, be sorry Heero." She stripped off his over shirt, his belt, and after some effort of getting him to lift his feet she also got his shoes. "Now get into that bed right now." Bemused, he did as she said; he placed his gun on her open book, a strange sort of bookmark, and he climbed beneath the covers. She disappeared a moment and then returned clad in her nightgown. She got into bed next to him as he pulled out a bear from beneath him. It was familiar somehow. Relena blushed. Then he remembered the bear. A sly smile spread across his face.  
  
"So I'm to replace the bear tonight?" She nodded. She wrapped her arms around him as they both tried to get comfortable. He forced away all the clamoring of his frustrated body so that he could concentrate on just being present for Relena, which is what he assumed she wanted. Eventually her breathing became even and it softly blew stray strands of her hair onto his cheek. So vulnerable.  
  
He wished he could fall asleep beside her every night, but somehow he felt that only tonight was special. He would allow himself this, and then he had to get control of himself again. They both had too much to accomplish before either could indulge in something so decadent as a personal relationship. [Maybe you're wrong. You're always selfish when it comes to her. You know you won't be able to stick to that if she has any more episodes like this. You'll never last against your emotions.] He pushed the annoying voice in his mind aside. He would win, and when it was the right time, then he would no longer be constrained. "I love you Relena." Heero whispered into her hair.  
  
As he stirred a little to get comfortable, her arms wound around him all the tighter and her leg brushed over his. . . . only to move back and forth over him a bit before pulling her closer to him. Blushing, Heero hoped to everything holy that she wouldn't wake up right then because he sure would not be able to explain. Heero prayed for sleep to come swiftly. 


	3. Three

I wanted to try something a little darker, as I am the queen of fluff. We'll see if I succeed. :P Tell me if there are any scenes that you'd like to see, I mainly just need some more themes to explore. Either that, or I will just continue to make random stuff as the situation occurs to me.  
  
Disclaimer: Do I really have to say this again. . . I don't own Gundam Wing!  
  
* * *  
  
The ballroom was filed with people, and Heero Yuy could name every one of them. This was simply part of his job because any unknown quantity could pose a risk to the woman this was all being held for. As Relena made the rounds to various cliques of dignitaries, she seemed distinctly at home. It was the world she had grown up in, so it came as no surprise to Heero that she functioned so well. He was never really sure if these events were pleasant respites from an unforgiving job, or simply another extension of the front Relena put up in what seemed a continuous effort to maintain balance in the political world. This was the Relena he knew best, who he understood, and incidentally this was the Relena he liked least.  
  
Sometimes, when she was giving a speech, he would see her in his mind's eye and then he would see himself - shooting her again and again until her white dress suit was dyed red, already dead and yet he would continue to shoot. He told himself what he didn't like was the job, but in some ways she was the job now.  
  
At the same time, he knew that what he looked at was not the woman he obsessed over, but a social construction made for the convenience of a world starving for leadership. Sometimes he couldn't separate the two aspects, and in his confusion other emotions would leak through. He had hoped that in time they would fade, just like the memories he barely recalled about past weeks or years, but instead they got more intense.  
  
He would watch her smile to a young diplomat, and suddenly he would find he had punched a wall until his knuckles opened and bled. Calmly, as he bandaged his hand, he would remind himself that it wasn't his Relena that smiled for that man, but the other one. Somehow that's how the delineation of her character played out in his mind: his, or not his. There was nothing that ever brought him the thrill and joy of possession than that woman. It was only right that she was his. Hers was the first name on his lips as he woke from every dreamless sleep, and she had moved mountains to keep herself close to him. Wasn't that enough acknowledgment of his claim?  
  
The other gundam pilots knew of his obsession and for a while they worried about it. After a time their worry seemed to fade along with his feelings, but really he just got better at hiding it. Barton, slightly closer to understanding Heero's thought process than the others, never lost his caution. Sometimes he even offered to take over the position of personal bodyguard in place of Heero in what had become a signal to Heero that Barton remembered. For his part, Heero respected the other pilot's canniness but no one would take his job over their dead body.  
  
Never his dead body. Theirs.  
  
In his mind, abandoning Relena to the protection of someone else was the same as condemning her to death. The only person who had a right to kill her was him, and it was a right he would guard jealously. In the first year or two as her bodyguard he used to ask himself if he would kill her if she wavered in her ideals. Would that render what had passed between them void? And then he tried to imagine himself pulling the trigger. It was easy enough to picture. The only problem was that as soon as he saw himself kill her, he always left one bullet in the gun for himself as well. It was the way it had to be. Her existence was intrinsically tied to his. So long as she was out there he could keep going.  
  
That was when he knew that even if she decided that total war was the real path to peace, he would follow her. He would just as quickly take up a gun and kill in her name as others would for God or country. In some ways she was both to him. Wherever she was, so was he, and he practically revered her. The perfect way she acted, spoke, dressed, talked - all added up to something that was distinctly Relena and it drew others to her just as it drew him. People still sometimes bowed to her when they saw her, or asked her to give them her blessings as if she were some holy figure. Of course he wouldn't let them near her, but she always looked bothered by their requests.  
  
She had never asked for the job, there simply had been no one else suitable to take up the mantle.  
  
Heero watched Relena take a seat out on the deck and he went to watch her from the shadows outside to be closer to her. She pulled pin after pin out of her hair, letting it fall down over her shoulders, and regarded the fog outside in a contemplative manner. At once Heero felt distanced from her, and more aware of his jealous desire to take her away and lock her in a tower away from anyone else. Right now she was his Relena. His. She was unreachable, as always, but all the more beautiful because of it.  
  
"What time is it?" She asked it into the night, rubbing the bridge of her nose in an attempt to ease the pain in her head. That Heero was there was a foregone conclusion.  
  
"1:18" A.M., she had been schmoozing for at least four hours.  
  
"Tell Quatre to make my excuses. I'm turning in for the evening." She rose, looking straight at him with tired eyes. As Heero melted out of the shadows and started back in, he saw Relena leaning over the balcony to snap a twig off of a bush a little ways below. True to his expectations, she overbalanced, but was saved from an embarrassed trip to the dry cleaners by his firm grip on her waist.  
  
"Be more careful. I can't be everywhere." He wished he could. He delivered her message to Winner and returned to the balcony. With a hiss of indrawn breath he registered the presence of a young man holding Relena's hand and saying something earnestly to her. She nodded, then shook her head, then withdrew her hand. Heero strained to hear what she said, even as he plotted the maiming of this opportunistic fool.  
  
"I'm sorry, there is no room in my life for anything as decadent as a relationship. Now excuse me." Her standard answer. With a glare that left the young man cringing, Heero strode onto the balcony and got their attention. Triumph again, as Relena rejected yet another advance, and even if it was conceited Heero thought it was because of him. The young man beat a hasty retreat.  
  
Alone now, just the two of them. The way it should be.  
  
She looked out into the fog, shivering as it slowly turned into a mist of drizzling rain. Fiddling with the twig still clutched in her left hand, now denuded of bark from earlier ministrations to it, Relena leaned against the railing facing away from Heero and shivered. Considering how many people were still so close to them, being just past the curtains and indoors, it was a deceptively private moment. After a little while standing in the rain, Heero considered encouraging Relena to go to bed as she had planned. This couldn't be good for her health in that thin dress. The snap of the twig made Heero start a bit, and Relena tossed it into the night. She turned to look at him, beaded by the water on her hair and clothes.  
  
"Would you die for me?" Her eyes looked bright, even fevered.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Would you kill for me?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
She already knew this, and yet the questions came as they sometimes did. With no other gauge for his feelings, this would have to do for an expression of his devotion. Why did she ask him this, time and again, when she knew the answers? This is part of what made his Relena so enigmatic, as the why was always left open to his interpretation.  
  
At once her expression mellowed and a tired smile edged at the corners of her mouth. In a surprisingly gallant gesture, Heero offered his arm to escort Relena back in. It was surprising because of the unconscious signal he knew it would send to force Relena back into her political facade. He didn't do it for her, but in his own defense against the person she was now. There was no exact protocol for stolen moments like these with her, and he didn't trust himself not to ruin everything.  
  
What that nebulous "everything" contained he chose not to examine. He felt he got a little closer to understanding with each passing month, but it was still far enough away not to give him too much discomfort.  
  
Relena placed her cold damp hand on his arm. Before they reentered the ballroom, she briefly leaned her head against his shoulder before straightening her posture once more and affixing her neutral conversational expression for the gauntlet of people she would undoubtedly face.  
  
The way they were was enough. . . for now. 


	4. Four

Hm. New attempt. New style. I never write in first person, we'll see how it goes for a first try.  
  
Disclaimer: (See previous chapters.)  
  
I'm trying to keep myself awake, but this paperwork is infinitely less interesting than checking my pockets for lint. No one expects me to understand most of the legal jargon in it anyway, since all they want from me is a signature and a smile. I do my best anyway, because that's all anyone can do after all, and I've picked up some tricks over the last few years. Not that it makes up for a college education or formal training, but I've done the best I can with tutors and no one has mentioned any problems yet. Then again, I've got enough people around me and working with me that any mistake I make is quickly smoothed over by someone else. It's like I gained a dozen parents for the few I've lost.  
  
Then again, sometimes it feels like the memory of being a child was erased almost as soon as it had time to form. We all felt like that during the war, so old and so young at the same time. Really, now that I look back on it, we were much younger than we thought we were, for all the responsibilities we took on. We were all posture and bluff back by some advanced weaponry and a little political influence. The right place at the right time, that's where our skill was, and the ability to exploit it. If I hadn't made my speech correctly, I could be dead from Heero's bullet right now. Then I wouldn't be sitting here with all this paperwork in front of me.  
  
I have to keep reminding myself that that's a bad thing. I'm where I am right now because of success, and living is not exactly intolerable. There is peace, there is relative stability, and I can even start looking towards having some semblance of a life.  
  
Or I would, if a certain stubborn, antisocial, semi-suicidal, security officer didn't balk me at every turn. I decide to go out, and he tells me he needs at least a day's notice to secure a location. I tell him I'm going for a drive, and suddenly my lone excursion becomes a mass exodus of security vans. There is no privacy, no way to be spontaneous or creative. It's like he's trying to break my spirit. I know that that cannot be his goal, but that's the effect he's getting.  
  
*snap*  
  
Oh damn, my pen just ran off the side of the paper. Somehow I don't think I can pass off this great big line down the page as a copier error. This means redoing forms. What a terrible phrase. I wish I didn't have to ask my assistant to do something that proves just how careless I've been recently. This has to stop.  
  
*crack*  
  
I don't think there are enough swear words to encapsulate how much that hurt. Who would have thought pressing down on the stupid button would be enough to break a nail? Seriously, this had got to be some sort of cosmic revenge.  
  
"Yes, Miss Darlian?"  
  
"Could you get me a second copy of page 25 of the new treaty revision?"  
  
"Of course, Miss Darlian."  
  
"Oh yes, and can you request Mr. Yuy to come to my office as soon as it's convenient?"  
  
"It could take him quite some time, Miss Darlian."  
  
"That's fine, it isn't urgent."  
  
"I'll get right on it."  
  
What my wonderful, efficient assistant does not grasp is that as soon as Heero gets the message he will most likely drop whatever he's doing to come see me. As hard as he is to actually manipulate, I have learned a few little tricks over time. If only that concern were a little more personalized, then I think maybe I wouldn't be so restless.  
  
. . . Bah.  
  
Though it isn't like I absolutely need a person in my life like that. I wouldn't have hardly any time to see them, I tend to forget most major holidays and birthdays, I'm pretty demanding in general. . . think positive Relena, you deserve something nice. Don't try to talk yourself out of it, like you always rationalize yourself out of fun.  
  
*knock knock*  
  
I don't have to tell him to come in he knows well enough to. . . ah there he is. Looking as angry as always. At least now I know it isn't really anger, more an annoyance at existence. It doesn't seem to live up to his exacting standards, it's too messy. I wonder if he gets that mad at his hair. He never got it in any semblance of order either. Ha, his eyebrow just arched. He wants to know why I just chuckled, but I know he won't ask. Fine, I won't tell him.  
  
"What did you need me for?"  
  
You. Me. Bed. Now.  
  
I mean, erm, what did I need him for anyway?  
  
"I wanted to speak to you about my lack of privacy these days."  
  
"I thought I explained to you that the requests you expect me to abide by are not acceptable. You put yourself in undue danger. We get at least two death threats a week towards you. I'm sure you're aware that security has to be tight." I wish for once he'd just try to look at it from my perspective.  
  
"I understand your concerns, but I promise you Heero Yuy, if you don't give me some time to myself I will run away and not even give you a clue to where I went."  
  
Mmm. He's leaning so close. I know he's trying to threaten me into relenting, but when he eyes me like that over the desk I just want to burst out laughing. I absolutely love provoking him like that. Maybe this is like a mini mental vacation for me. Gah. He should go a little easier on the cologne next time though, my nose is beginning to itch.  
  
"I can't let you do that Relena. Don't make me take drastic action."  
  
"And what would that be? You can't lock me in a room like a naughty child. I am an adult and deserve to be treated like one. The less you resemble a mother hen, the happier I'll be." Wow. That was a lot angrier than I meant to sound. When he issues ultimatums like that I just get to upset. Maybe I'm pretty predictable as well, but I won't relent on this point. I will get a day off if it kills me.  
  
"A mother hen?" Fine, it was a stupid analogy. He doesn't have to give me that smirk.  
  
"Yes. Cluck cluck, Henny Penny." Now I sound like a grade schooler. How come thus happens when I'm left with him for too long. I have forms to get back to. Oh lord, he's even closer now. I could just lean forward and press my lips to. . .  
  
"Relena, I don't think you understand how important you are."  
  
To me. Add 'to me' to that sentence and I will melt into a puddle right in front of you.  
  
"It may surprise you to hear this, but I'm human you know. I need some space sometimes. Don't you? Sometimes I wonder if you really are human." When did you get to be such a bitch Relena? I mean, that was pretty harsh. You don't actually think he's inhuman. Somehow I don't think the way he's narrowing his eyes is a good thing.  
  
"Not human?"  
  
I'm not going to say anything else. I'll only do more damage to this situation than good. He's the only diplomatic mission I always seem to fail.  
  
Ouch. Oh god oh god oh god oh god. That hurts it hurts his hands hurt my wrist is going to break and then what will I do I can't cope with this he's too close I need to get away oh please god let me get out of this alive.  
  
. . . .  
  
"I'm just as human as you. And you aren't going anywhere."  
  
. . . .  
  
*steps*  
  
*click*  
  
What just happened there?  
  
He just kissed me, didn't he?  
  
What am I supposed to do, think, say to him now? Is this some sort of declaration? I want it to be, but that doesn't make it any more than what it was.  
  
He'll pay for this. For this indecision, for this torment. After years of waiting I'm not taking this attack without answering aggression. No, Heero Yuy, this is war.  
  
And if I must say so, I think my weapons are superior.  
  
At the same time, I'll concede this battle as I suddenly don't want to leave his presence. . . but the war will be mine. 


	5. Five

Still working within Relena's POV, I'll keep the 1st person style for the moment. It doesn't seem to suit me, but I need to try it. She wasn't sounding like I wanted her to, for one thing, in the last one. Of course I also wrote that when drunk. . . hm. Gave me some inspiration.  
  
Disclaimer: (see 1st chapter)  
  
I had managed to ditch Heero for one glorious day of freedom from my responsibilities. Sometimes it was easy for me to forget that other people my age were just starting their first jobs out of college, or starting a family, or just making their way in the world in general when I had been leading it since before high school ended. That isn't entirely correct, since I was and am more of a figurehead than anything. Governments are not run by one person alone, as dictatorships are not in fashion these days. Even a sweet voiced dictator, like I could have been, is not what the world needs now that we have relative stability. Maybe at one time my life was filled with jobs that were needful for the basic maintenance of the newly constructed status quo, but I feel more superfluous as of late.  
  
Not dead wood, but not so very important as I once was. This is a very good thing for the world.  
  
And depressing for me.  
  
Not even the world seems to need me now. I looked around at what I'd constructed for other people with my life and I can't help but wonder what was left for myself. I had family; I had friends, but somehow I still had this emptiness within me. It's as if I didn't have an identity. Maybe that's too extreme, but I stand by the statement.  
  
The restlessness over this issue was making me lose sleep. I decided that it would be a nice thing to do for myself to take a little break. I informed all the most important people of my intentions and they were all in favor for giving me some time off. That's why I found myself in a sleepy little town next to vaguely icy coastal waters. I didn't even know where I was. You don't need to name a location to find yourself there. I trusted Millardo to make arrangements, and to respect my wish not to be followed by a veritable army of security. He agreed on the condition that I kept a phone and one security person with me at all times. I requested Trowa.  
  
There were several reasons for my choice, the first being that he didn't talk much and the second being that he was much easier to convince to leave me to my own devices. Trowa would give me the privacy I had long been seeking to sort some things out. Some of those things had to do with a certain Japanese ex-Gundam pilot.  
  
Oh yes, when I said I informed all the most important people of my whereabouts I neglected to mention that one of them in fact was left out of the loop. He went by the name of Heero Yuy, and he was away on Preventor business in one of the colonies. I made everyone swear a solemn oath not to tell him where I was going. He would only bring complications with him by his presence alone. I didn't need that kind of angst to cloud my thinking.  
  
The morning I set off for these gray, rainy shores, I felt reasonably confident. I would take this week and pull myself together. I would try to remember what it was like to be Relena. Not even Relena Darlian or the even more idealized figure of Relena Peacecraft but just Relena. I could feel the way my heart sped up in anticipation. The time alone was giving me a heady sense of freedom. Even if nothing came of this mentally or spiritually, I was bound and determined to enjoy my holiday.  
  
"We'll be there soon." Trowa had entered the cabin almost soundlessly to inform me, and retreated back into the cockpit with the same regard for my peace on this flight. I wondered if maybe my own crisis was childish and self absorbed compared to what he or Heero had to face, with their dehumanizing and programmed pasts. Even their names were fake. At least I could be reasonably sure of my very name, but then again 'Peacecraft' had been a surprise addition so late in life that I couldn't recognize it as my own true name. Then again, truth is so relative, maybe too relative. It would be nice to have some concrete truths.  
  
Wasn't peace my concrete truth? The only thing I had always believed in and relied on to define myself? No, I refuse to think I had founded my personality on such a shaky foundation of my own stubbornness and the ideals of a father I never really knew.  
  
Maybe I would have come to some sort of conclusion, but most likely I simply would have passed the time moping and crossing back and forth between self pity and self hate. When I wasn't thinking of myself I was thinking of Heero. Perhaps that's how he was called, like a foul incantation summoning a demon. He resembled a demon when he burst into the little local bar that night: wild, alarmed, and very very angry. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Trowa move to intercept, but I made eye contact with him and gave a small shake of my head. He faded into the shadows again.  
  
Heero was standing behind me, I could feel the cold radiating off him, and as I looked down a puddle formed at his feet from the runoff of his raincoat. My beer had suddenly become intensely interesting, and I focus on it as if nothing else existed - as if everyone else in the bar was not staring at us. All 11 of them. The bartender coughed and low conversation resumed, but Heero continued to stand there. Surprisingly, he was the first to speak.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" I felt defensive and childish, but I thought I had a good enough answer.  
  
"I thought I would be back before you returned."  
  
"What if something happened to you?" He remained standing, as if asserting a superior moral position to go along with his aggressive physical one.  
  
"Do you not trust Trowa?" My tone was icy. I didn't need Heero's permission for everything, and it wasn't as if I had acted stupidly or hastily.  
  
"Of course I realize he is capable." He almost collapsed into the stool next to me. "Damn it all Relena, do you have any idea how it felt to come back and find you missing with no one willing to explain where or why?" I smiled, trying to picture Heero intimidating my brother into releasing my location. I was more interested in how exasperated and perhaps how relieved the normally stoic soldier sounded. The opportunistic bartender set a beer in front of each of us.  
  
"What did they tell you?" I didn't give them any specific instructions, I was honestly curious.  
  
"They said you'd taken some 'personal time'. I almost killed Duo when he was the fourth person to say those exact words to me." He swept back his wet hair from his face with one hand and only managed to give it an even more strangely wind-tossed look. The personal tone exited his voice sharply. "I won't allow a breach like this again."  
  
That made me rather irate. "It isn't for you to decide." I finally worked up the guts to meet his eyes and it was like my ire had been sucked into a vacuum. There was nothing there, no hurt, no anger, no emotion. He gave away nothing and for once I felt actually physically hurt by his refusal to give me anything. I usually rated annoyance, at least on the surface, but now he wouldn't even offer me that.  
  
He walked out of the bar and I didn't stop him. Hell, I didn't even look back.  
  
The bartender came to take away his untouched drink and I stopped him. Pulling the beer closer to me, I choked down my own half finished one before starting it. More would follow if I had anything to say about it.  
  
* * *  
  
I assume Trowa brought me home. I don't remember too clearly. I think I said things, mostly drunken babble interspersed with 'Yuy' and 'bastard', but I trusted Trowa to conveniently forget most of it. I do remember him asking me several times if I was ok, and then in response to my protests he must have retreated to his room on the opposite side of the large house my brother had rented.  
  
Some scraps of the evening are pleasant enough to recall, like watching TV on my bed, falling over, belatedly noticing I had fallen over and then righting myself only to repeat my amazing lack of ability to sit up. That ate up most of the buzz. Then the shaking hit, and, inevitably, the vomiting. Thank god I had enough presence of mind to make it to the bathroom. Things spun in an unpleasant mockery of reality, as if someone had just put me into a surrealist painting and then spun me around.  
  
I think I started to cry.  
  
Gentle hands, cold but firm, pulled back my hair and helped me right myself from my half collapsed position next to the porcelain god. I felt so much shame for anyone to see me like that even as I was relieved that someone was with me. Both facts just made me cry harder.  
  
"There isn't anything. I'm not anything. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." My words were slightly slurred and my mouth tasted bitter. I tried to stand up, and with help I managed to do so. After rinsing out my mouth, I looked into the mirror. My glance ran over my messy hair, bloodshot eyes, and cracked lips to meet a steady Prussian gaze that held mine with rare compassion.  
  
This was worse than I could have hoped for.  
  
"Go away," I cried harder and covered my face with my hands as wave after wave of shame took me. "Don't look at me, just go away." He let go of me as if to comply with my request, but my shaky legs had been relying on his support and he was forced to catch me before I hit my head against any number of protruding surfaces in the bathroom.  
  
I splashed some water on my face and brushed my teeth very carefully, using Heero as my support. He helped me stumble over to the bed and lie down. As he walked away I grabbed at his hand.  
  
"Don't go." I pleaded, still a little drunk and unsure. "Please." His eyes closed in some undecipherable burst of emotion and then opened to meet my own.  
  
"Hn." He sat next to me on the bed and we sat there awkwardly.  
  
I'll forever blame the alcohol for what I said next.  
  
"I think secretly, I was hoping you'd come find me. I spent years looking for you. It's only fair." I laughed at my own lame joke, while not really finding it funny.  
  
He looked at me quizzically, and I brushed some hair out of his face, enjoying the faint stubble as my clumsy fingertips scraped down his face. When he caught my hand my breath caught, and with unrelenting force he pulled me towards him. My head rested against his chest, his arms around my body, and though still dizzy I felt finally comfortable enough to relax and find some sleep.  
  
The next morning I awoke alone but covered in blankets. I pieced together what happened slowly in my mind and smiled to myself over the strange display of affection he had shown me. At the same time his absence gave me a deep sadness and the feeling of absence. That was Heero for you, always leaving me incomplete. My hangover quickly dispelled any other semblance of coherent thought.  
  
I saw a glass of water, some aspirin, and a note next to my bed as I clutched at my head. I took the aspirin and tried to focus on the note.  
  
'No matter where you run, I'll come for you.'  
H.Y.  
  
To others it might have sounded menacing, but I knew the spirit and context in which he had meant that short sentence. Hangover or no, today was a good day. 


	6. Six

No more 1st person. Had enough of that for the moment. Don't even know if I pulled that off so well. Bah. I forge ahead.  
  
Oh! The fluffiness! I was in the mood. Going to give myself cavities, it seems. I'll try to make a concerted effort to do something more angsty in the next installation.  
  
Disclaimer: (See 1st chapter)  
  
Heero paid no attention to the sign marked 'no trespassing' and scaled the fence with ease. Throwing a heavy coat over the barbed wire at the top of it, he sustained minimal damage to himself while flipping over the top. Better this than cutting the wire. He would have had little compunction with doing so, but he didn't want anyone else to tread on what had become something of a precious site for him. Coming back here when he was confused or angry was like a pilgrimage. It was a return to the beginning, after all, so calling it a pilgrimage was not unreasonable.  
  
Tossing the now torn coat aside, but noting its location for when he wanted to return, he continued down to where the soft rise and fall of waves beckoned. With an obscure smile he went right down to where the surf broke against the shore and laid down, water lapping at his feet, soaking the socks and ruining the expensive leather shoes. He felt the waves crash, sometimes higher and sometimes lower, but slowly the tide receded. Once he was left by the waves, damp and uncomfortable, upon the sand he opened his eyes.  
  
It was like being born again.  
  
But something was missing.  
  
He couldn't invite her here for this ritual for a couple reasons: 1. it wasn't practical. 2. He didn't know how she'd react. It was possible she would be flattered, but he predicted with grim certainty that she would be far more uneasy about the prospect. Relena often seemed nervous around him for some reason. Her evasions of him were somewhat confusing. What was he doing to upset her so? A voice in his head suggested he wasn't getting the whole picture, but whatever it was that he was missing he was unable to identify at the moment so he would wait until the right conclusion struck.  
  
It was the rain that hit him from the dark sky that drove him from the beach. On the one hand, he wanted to stay, but he couldn't risk making himself sick. That would mean missing work and his work was more important to him than anything. It was all he seemed to have left, all that he could redefine himself with.  
  
With all of his good intentions he ended up still wandering around, getting soaked to the skin wherever the waves hadn't touched. The rain was like a mist, making the world fifty feet in front of him cease to exist. He walked a long way down the beach like this. When he reached the edge, where the rocks were piled high and met some cliffs, he climbed up the side. Slick as it was, and as cold and stiff as his hands were, they presented little challenge. Even so, he would have gone faster when he was 15 in those years of harsh conditioning. Now he was larger, slower, but a lot wiser and more efficient. It seemed a fair enough trade.  
  
He walked back to the motorcycle, his discarded jacket left behind but not forgotten, and got on it with no firm intention of what he wanted to do or where he would go. The rain was still giving him visibility issues, so he decided not to go too far away. Of course the only person who lived anywhere near here was. . . her. Sometimes it seemed like fate had a hand in his life, but that was just an idle thought because he didn't put any faith in destiny. Chance he understood. Probability, numbers - the science of it all.  
  
When he showed up at her doorstep, he asked himself why he was there again. He had made it home in worse weather conditions. Dense fog. High wind. But the only reason he could come up with was that it seemed to be the right thing to do. He had visited their beach, and it was fitting that he see her now. The butler answered the door and gave a start at Heero's appearance, but let him in. Heero was one of her bodyguards after all, and they had gotten used to his presence at certain functions.  
  
Heero chose to stand in the hall and wait until she came down the stairs, casually dressed from the lazy Saturday afternoon's leisure. Relena's eyes lit with that light that he egotistically assumed was just for him but her expression became mercurial, shifting from pleasure to anger.  
  
"Heero Yuy, you look like a drowned rat! Dripping mud and water in my hallway. . . What a gracious visitor." Her foot tapped as he continued to regard her with a blank expression. His body gave an involuntary shiver. Relena just sighed. "Well, I'll try to dig out some clothes for you. I'll have someone come get you and show you to a shower." She didn't wait the response she knew she wasn't going to get.  
  
As she went out to find his intended guide he followed her with his eyes and tried to memorize everything about her in the moment. From the messy bun of her hair and the long sweater with bunched up sleeves, to the sway of her skirt. When she wasn't in her formal dresses or suits she seemed like a different person. No, she seemed like a normal person. A change of clothes could signify her change in roles, but he was always himself. Yet another thing he envied and pitied her for.  
  
He sneezed and cursed the rain.  
  
A man came up to him, and asked Heero to follow. Heero complied and walked up the stairs and down several twisting corridors until he arrived at a set of rooms. After he had been led to the bathroom the guide disappeared and left Heero to wash the sand and dirt from his body. The warmth brought blood and feeling back to his hand and arms, a welcome consequence, and once he was dry he walked out of the shower to find his clothing gone from where he had left it piled. On further inspection he found some dry clothing folded neatly in a pile and a small pile of his things next to it which had previously been in his pockets.  
  
The clothes fit well enough, but they were more like something Quatre would wear. Slacks, white dress shirt, blue vest. . . they felt strange but as long as he considered it a uniform it was bearable. The knock at the door caught his attention. He was fastening the buttons on his coat as he answered the door.  
  
"Is it ok? I tried to find something I thought would fit. You're only a little smaller than my brother, and he left so much stuff in his old room." At Heero's disgruntled frown on not only being reminded of his smaller stature but that he was wearing said man's old clothes - especially the boxers - somehow he wished she hadn't brought it up at all.  
  
"It's fine." That did explain the bagginess at least. And the straight- laced look.  
  
"I think you look very nice. Not that your usual suits or uniforms aren't nice." She walked around the room and wandered over to the drapes which she then pulled aside to glance at the outdoors. "It's still raining terribly hard. You can stay here as long as you like. Right now your clothes are being washed. That should take about two hours."  
  
What would they do for two hours? It was a simultaneous thought from two terribly different people.  
  
"I was just reading when you came, so it's nice to have some company to distract me."  
  
It was an odd comment. "What were you reading?"  
  
"The news. For 18 different countries, sometimes more. Just the important stuff. They give me a big thick packet every Friday. It puts me in mind of homework." Her laugh wasn't forced, but it was strained. "And I thought I was past homework once I left school. Then again, we all take our work home with us, I'm sure, to some extent." She refocused in on him. "What do you do with your free time, Heero? I don't know if I ever really asked. You've just always seemed like you never stopped."  
  
"I drive."  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Wherever."  
  
Relena flopped down in a chair in front of the window with a wistful expression, more of her hair escaping from the bun. "That sounds lovely."  
  
It was on the tip of his tongue to ask her to come with him sometime, but that wouldn't be prudent. She was just being polite. She should also not put in any sort of danger and the way he rode his bike was rather, hm, reckless. As he looked at her, he saw her eyes were half closed and she was staring out of the window in a sightless and unfocused way.  
  
"What do you do?" She started at the sound of his voice. "In your free time, what do you do?" He knew because he always knew what she was doing, but he got the feeling that letting conversation die was undesirable.  
  
"I think we both know. . . . I'm stuck in this place usually. Mostly I watch a lot of movies. Sometimes I sleep or go swimming. But I'll tell you something I bet they didn't know I did." Heero's attention perked even as the bodyguard in his mind made mental notes. "I go into the storage rooms and pull out old clothes and put them on. Sometimes I even put on some music and dance. I always make sure that I tell people I'm 'reading'."  
  
This explained why she read so much and yet owned so few books.  
  
"Pretty silly, eh?" She shrugged at the same time Heero did. "But whatever makes you happy, I say. And if I want to wander my own house then that's my prerogative. It does feel a little bit like I'm getting somewhat eccentric. I don't want to end up a Miss Havisham. Then again, not much chance of that. I'll probably never get to an alter let alone be left at one."  
  
Heero was uncomfortable with the turn her words were taking.  
  
"We're so young Heero. But I feel old."  
  
"Yeah." He had no great revelations to add. The feeling was mutual. Then Relena got THAT look in her eyes. He almost groaned.  
  
"So let's do something young." She shot up out of her chair and grabbed his hand, pulling him behind her. Curiosity won over caution.  
  
"What?"  
  
"We're going to sneak out of the house, and get some coffee down the block." Her hand motions were animated, but he was more interested in the hand clutching his own. So smooth and soft, he gave it a small squeeze and then immediately reprimanded himself.  
  
"We could just have coffee here."  
  
"You're missing the point entirely." She stopped and held his other hand, head tilted, messy hair giving her a halo of blond. "Now think of a way we can get out without being seen and I'll try to steal us an umbrella."  
  
"You own the umbrella, it isn't stealing."  
  
"Stop that! Don't be a killjoy. Now get to work on a plan." She dropped his hands and walked away, a slight skip to her step.  
  
This was absolutely ridiculous. They were sneaking out the house when there was no one to really stop them from leaving. They were stealing an umbrella that she already owned. Ultimately, it was an entirely artificial thrill, but somehow she had brought a smile to his face. Quickly bringing an end to that nonsense, he formed an informal route he knew was not monitored quite as closely. It would require a detour through the gardens and through the garage, but he knew all the ins and outs. If Relena wanted some time outside without her security, then he would give it to her. He was going to be there, and he always felt no one did as good a job as he did.  
  
Flushed and panting a little from her run up and down the long side stairs, Relena clutched the bright yellow umbrella like a lifeline. Heero scowled. It would be difficult to hide something so bright, even in low visibility like today.  
  
"Couldn't you find something less conscpicuous?"  
  
"It was the first one I saw. I thought I heard someone coming, so I just grabbed it an ran." Her smile faded a little. "Don't give me that look. I'm no soldier. But you are. You're the best there is and I know you can work around this. You have always been so good at improvisation." She knew just how to inflate his ego. Even if he knew what she was doing didn't mean he didn't like hearing it.  
  
"I guess so."  
  
"I knew it! You're the greatest, Heero. I'm so glad you came by today or I'd never have gone on this adventure." She jumped into his arms, hugging him in a swirl of floral scent and soft pliant limbs. In a moment it was over, but he knew he'd be reliving it vividly for days. "Now let's go." She forged on, unknowingly leaving Heero in an emotional avalanche.  
  
It was entirely unfair of her to be just so. . . . cute. It was a hated word, but somehow the usual disdain for the concept in his mind couldn't tarnish Relena when he applied it to her.  
  
Well, for her he would make this day good. Soon enough she would have to turn back to a reality that was slowly attempting to crush this playfulness out of her. But knowing Relena, she would resist it to the last. Somehow, even being pulled along on a silly outing, wearing her brother's old clothes, he found himself looking forward to something as simple as getting coffee. 


	7. Seven

This is based off an even shorter challenge fic. I wanted to make a slightly longer version, and it fit in with my theme of exploring tensions in their relationship, so we all win!  
  
Disclaimer: I have never owned nor will ever own Gundam Wing or its characters. ::sigh::  
  
She was going to walk into a war zone and he wasn't about to let her.  
  
For weeks diplomatic relations with a relatively large portion of central Africa had been on the brink of something, well, less than friendly and Relena was not about to let things get out of hand. That in of itself was commendable. The problem was that she wanted to get a handle on the situation by personally going there. This was a nightmare for her most dedicated bodyguard who had checked out the region and found it to be one of the least defendable places to be. Everywhere was vulnerable. He'd have to be awake and watching her and everything around her every damn hour to make sure there were no snipers, bombers, or kidnappers. They'd have to practically set up a Preventors headquarters just for the one mission. Nothing could be worth that.  
  
Of course explaining this to a determined Vice Foreign Minister was another matter altogether. Conversation moved from coldly civil to heated in a manner of minutes. Sadly, it was somewhat predictable on both parts, but despite knowing what the other was going to say both needed to make their own point in hopes that the other party would finally understand: he told her it wasn't safe (in so many words), she told him in a slightly more polish fashion that it didn't matter what he said. Relena was going to do exactly what she wanted to do. Then she stepped on dangerous grounds.  
  
"You can't MAKE me stay." Heero reflected upon the challenge she had just issued. For a moment anger and concern warred, clouding his emotions, and he walked up to her. Looking down on the woman not giving the least sign of intimidation, he was spurred to this final and perhaps desperate act.  
  
"Yes, I can." His hands moved fast, grabbing her right wrist with his left hand. With a practiced movement his handcuffs were out and locked. For all purposes, he felt he had just won the argument. Relena pulled against their connected wrists and gave him a murderous look.  
  
"Unlock these right now." Her voice was low and monotone. A spark of something in her eye promised worlds of pain.  
  
Smiling unkindly, he shook his head. "You're staying with me."  
  
Under other circumstances those same words might have sent a thrill down her spine, but at this point they just enraged her. She tried to grab the phone on her desk, but Heero merely took a few steps back and she was placed out of reach from her desk and its implements. For a moment she stopped struggling, blew some hair out of her face with an irritated puff, and tried to think. Heero had that smug note-quite-a-smile on his face and she just wanted to slap him. Her job was very important to her and she wouldn't let him stand in the way for any reason whatsoever.  
  
"I'll need to leave this room sometime." Relena gestured expansively, only managing to lift a little of the dead weight that was Heero's arm.  
  
"There are ways of concealing this."  
  
"What if I have to go to the bathroom or change clothes." She tugged a bit at her collar and Heero eyed her neck.  
  
He shrugged. Obviously he felt that it was part of the motivation she would have to concede to his point of view. Unfeeling bastard. Try another tactic.  
  
"This hurts my wrist." That got a reaction. He pulled a handkerchief out from his pocket.  
  
"Line it."  
  
Relena did as he suggested even as she tried to think of other ways to convince him to remove the restraints.  
  
"What will other people think if they come in here?" She put a little bit of haughty censure into the tone of her voice. This actually elicited a half smile from her bodyguard.  
  
"What do I care?"  
  
"What if I scream until they come?" Relena's eyes narrowed but she forced her tone to remain conversational.  
  
"I'll stop you." He stepped closer and she took a step back. A little further and she could reach the desk. Taking some time to withdraw her own handkerchief and place it around her wrist along with his, she considered her next move.  
  
"I'm surprised at you Heero, I thought you were the sort to use more sophisticated methods of detaining a person. You lack imagination." Goading him only appeared to have the effect of wiping the smile from his face.  
  
"I lack imagination." Somehow she had touched a nerve. The subtle tension in his muscles and the hardening around the jaw line told her that much. The room suddenly felt much too small, and Heero too close, for Relena's liking. Of course, she couldn't get away from him. Her arm went limp and dropped to her side, brushing his hand over her leg inadvertently. She started and pulled away, but inevitably she only got so far before Heero was forced to follow. "I lack imagination." He repeated the phrase an a more menacing tone, eyes boring into hers.  
  
Grabbing her wrist tightly, he pulled her towards the door of the office. Hitting the door with a fair amount of force, it appeared to resist for a moment. On the other side of the door they were met with a hailstorm of papers fluttering to the ground as Duo rubbed his forehead.  
  
"Duo!" Relena cried out and flailed her one free arm frantically. Duo confusedly waved back and smiled.  
  
"I'm just fine, Princess, thanks for your concern! I'll come back later I guess." He was gathering papers along with Relena's assistant. Neither saw the handcuffs, not connected her behavior to anything particularly suspicious. It was Heero. When Heero was involved no one ever asked questions. With a soft chime, the elevator door opened.  
  
"Duo! No! Hel - oof " Heero pulled her into the elevator before she got out any more.  
  
"No one can help you. I will win this time, Relena." Shivers ran down her spin at his words. Most of them had to do with the pressure from the rage she was hiding.  
  
"You're making a big mistake Heero. Every punishment within my power to wreak on you, I'll do it. You shouldn't get in the way of my job." Steely and serious, she tried to get control of her ire before she literally exploded.  
  
"Well you shouldn't get in the way of mine either!" He snapped. They both looked at the ground a moment or two. The ridiculous elevator music added a comedic overlay to the oppressive mood in the small box. Heero's eye started to twitch to the beat and he covered up the twitch by brushing back his hair with his free hand.  
  
"And you hurt Duo too. . ." Relena was reproachful.  
  
"Listen, that was an accident. How was I to know Maxwell was right there?" He spoke with forced patience.  
  
"Well, if you hadn't stormed out in such a huff then, oh I don't know, you're being particularly exasperating today Heero!" Relena leaned against the wall of the elevator. Heero looked about ready to punch something, and he did: the control panel. Whether it was his strength, or just the sensitive nature of the wiring behind the panel, the whole elevator halted and the lights blinked before going out.  
  
"What did you just do?" Relena felt like this had to be some sort of joke, or a dream, just not reality because reality never went this wrong for her. Reality wouldn't be as ironic and unkind as to trap her in a dark elevator with her angry bodyguard while being handcuffed to said bodyguard.  
  
"I think I broke it. I could fix it if I could see anything, but with no light and one hand incapacitated it would be too risky. Someone will notice soon, I'll just radio it. . ." He paused. "Tell me I win."  
  
"Excuse me?!" Threats? She didn't respond to threats well.  
  
"No one is going to notice this elevator is broken for some time unless I inform them. I assure you I am very patient. If you want this madness to end, just agree not to put yourself in danger and not leave for that mission."  
  
"This isn't a mission! I was not assigned to do it, I do it of my own free will and I most certainly know better than to ever give in to a show of force as pitiful as this is. Someone will notice sooner than you think." The subtle clink of the chains of the cuffs let Relena know of his change in posture. It was easy to be imperious when she couldn't see him.  
  
"Oh will they?"  
  
"Yes. Yes, they will." She took a deep breath to scream, but it came out more of a gasp. Heero had surprised her by pressing her against the side of the elevator, hands pressed to either side of her head, body leaning over hers. His face was so close she could feel his breath on her cheek even if she couldn't see him in the warm pitch of the small space.  
  
"I can't let you do that, Relena. It would be futile anyway, the air ducts wouldn't carry your scream anywhere relevant. You're here until I want to release you, and I won't release you unless you agree to my terms." His low growl sent tremors through her body as she tried to ignore his proximity. This was too distracting; she was in a very disadvantageous position. A idea occurred to her. Maybe she still had some power even now.  
  
"If you don't release me, I'm going to give you incentive to do so very shortly."  
  
"It's a bluff." He smelled like sweat and spice. Luckily for her, thoughts like that only strengthened her resolve if his words hadn't. For his part, Heero attempted to filter through possibilities. Did she have a weapon? Did she know some damaging information about him? What could she possibly do?  
  
Of course some of the thoughts he was having were an attempt to distract his mind from the fact that he was in a small, dark room with Relena, pinning her body against a wall. His head was nearly hurting with the force of concentration he had to conjure to NOT think of her body at the moment. Maybe that's what made her attack so devastating.  
  
At first he felt something soft brush his chin, but then what Heero very strongly assumed were Relena's lips fastened over his own. The kiss didn't last very long, for after a moment of sheer surprise his system was jolted into new trauma as she traced her tongue on the inside of his lips. Immediately, Heero pulled back as if he had been burned, but only getting so far before Relena was pulled along with him.  
  
"You can't escape Heero." She was hurt more than anything by his reaction. What had seemed like a good idea at the time had just managed to reopen wounds she had never had the luxury to close in the first place.  
  
Heero wondered if she had any idea what she just did. [Don't be naïve; that was certainly her tongue just then.] His mind chided him. The instant and extreme reaction to her kiss made him alarmed in the way conventional threats or actual pain could never touch him. What was even worse was that even as he ran from this he wanted to pursue it. Suddenly the elevator seemed to be the last place he wanted to be. He fumbled at his belt for the radio, and it fell from nerveless fingers as he got it out. As Heero reached down for it he felt his hands come in contact with soft fingers already clutching the object.  
  
"I'm glad you're seeing things my way now." Her icy voice only slightly dampened the fire in his veins. He chose not to respond.  
  
"This is Yuy. I'm with Darlian and the South elevator is stuck. I repeat, I'm with Darlian and the South elevator is stuck. Over." His voice cracked when he said 'Darlian', and he hoped it hadn't been too obvious. He was a grown man, and this was a ridiculous time and place to suddenly feel like an awkward teen. After clearing his throat, Heero settled to wait for a response.  
  
"We hear you loud and clear, Yuy. A team has been sent to get you out right away, it says you're just a little below the third floor. Estimated time until arrival is two minutes. Over."  
  
"Acknowledged. Over." There was another rustling noise from Heero and then a click as the handcuffs released their hold of Relena's wrist. It was nice to have her hand back and she massaged the aching joint. They were silent until noises and voices cam through from the door. As a crack of light appeared, Relena only just made out the hint of a frown and a wide, blue, unblinking eye. Before anything else outside occurred, Heero grabbed her hand again.  
  
"You win." His voice was low, almost a whisper, but she caught it and squeezed the hand that caught hers in an almost painful grip. In response, Heero brought her captured hand up to his lips and kissed it roughly before dropping it and pulling away. Light poured down onto them and some maintenance guys grinned at them almost leeringly. A glare from Heero wiped the smiles off their faces and after Heero climbed up and out he offered Relena aide as well. As soon as he had made sure she was unharmed, his quick strides took him down the hallway and out of her sight.  
  
"Boy, he's in a mood." A Preventor that had been sent with the maintenance men remarked. Relena gave a little half-smile in response. Right now she didn't particularly feel like talking about anything. There was too much to sort out from the last couple minutes.  
  
"Miss Darlian, 'scuse me, but you forgot your handkerchiefs." The man addressing her held them out and she looked at both a moment before pocketing them. She thanked the man and made her way towards the stairs. It would be quite a climb the seven stories back to her office, but she wanted the time to think. Maybe it would have been more fun if she hadn't won. 


	8. Eight

Now the plan was not to do any of these as strictly following one another, but this could be considered both on its own or perhaps as a continuation of the last part. You'll see what I mean. I have to stick to my plan after all. I was going to do Heero 1st person, but I got a better more experimental idea. We'll see if I fail. I'm pretty sure I'll have to make it a bit shorter than usual too, since I don't seem to sustain writing in 1st person very well. I'm just learning, over here. Be kind. ^___^  
  
Disclaimer: (See previous chapters)  
  
I think I'm being used. I don't just think, I know I'm being used. From the way they looked at one another this morning I'm reasonably sure something happened yesterday. It's only logical. Yuy is her personal bodyguard, not I, yet here I am on special detail. There is no point in asking questions, I'm not that curious and I'm sure they won't be answered. To some extent it would be nice to know why exactly Relena looks ready to kill today. I assume it has something to do with her diplomatic trip being cancelled. The broken pen holder I found slumped and somewhat shattered below a dent in the wall told me to be wary of her, even as the prospect of her being even mildly threatening is ludicrous.  
  
All morning I was effectively avoiding her, simply performing the usual security checks, but part way through I felt like I was being shadowed. With little else to occupy him, I didn't begrudge him the habit even as I was annoyed that he couldn't trust me enough to do the job we all had adequate training for. When I was nearly finished the uneasy feeling of being followed vanished and didn't reoccur for some time.  
  
Of course Relena would want to leave the office for lunch. She looked at me with those tired blue eyes of hers, pressing at her temples as if to relieve the pain in her head. I know I'm not a weak person, and I know that there is some sort of unresolved - something - between her and Yuy, but I know I have no defenses able to resist her when she requests anything. Even when her lips are set into a thin lined smile. Even as the anger gives an edge to the tone of her words and sharpens her delivery.  
  
"Please, Trowa, I just want to get out of the office for a moment or two." I watched a healthy portion of that golden hair of hers fall forward into her face. She looked at me, head slightly tilted, and I knew that I had already lost this battle. My quick, dismissive nod prevented me from smiling at how I knew Yuy was going to react to this.  
  
We didn't go far away, just a few blocks from the building she practically called home. It was her decision, and I followed the sign out protocol before she came downstairs. Of course the person I encountered was Yuy. He asked me a few questions but nothing specific. I could tell by the glazed way in which he conducted the formal questions that he had other things on his mind. Or maybe it was the way he kept running his hand through his hair, an unconscious nervous gesture he had taken up in the past year or so. Whatever had happened between was honestly agitating the most impersonal and unemotional person I had ever met. Even though it was unwise, I decided to poke at Yuy who was in such a raw state.  
  
"There is a café at a diagonal from the restaurant." The smile pulled at the corner of my mouth. These two were so predictable. He scowled and I departed without saying any more.  
  
Relena looked very decidedly cheerful as I escorted her out of the building. She had her politician attitude on and I wasn't sure what could possibly be going on behind the barricade of that amiable grin. It was as bad as Yuy's customary neutrality. Both of them were too skilled at retreating from their immediate surroundings. Of course, it is easy for me to criticize when I do the very same thing. So long as it doesn't interfere with work I don't understand why they don't come to some sort of arrangement. Not that I would offer that opinion openly, but I have heard other people talk about it in low conversations among themselves.  
  
If only those two knew how much office gossip was centered around their torrid non-affair.  
  
"What would you like to eat?" My attention focused in again on my immediate present. The ambling thoughts that had floated through my consciousness as I made sure things were decently safe were banished.  
  
"I'm not hungry."  
  
"You have to eat something, Trowa. I don't want to be the only one having food." Then she brought out that devastating weapon of hers again. "Please?"  
  
"Very well." I inclined my head, acknowledging defeat.  
  
It was relieving to me that she did not try to continue any sort of conversation. Maybe she wanted silence, but I had a feeling it had far more to do with simply being very observant about people's behavioral patterns. I always knew she was instinctually canny about people, but just as her skills seemed to desert her when forced to interact with Yuy so to Yuy seemed to lose caution when he had to face her. Speaking of the man, my eyes flickered over the person who had been standing by a camera shop across the street for quite some time. I would know that hair anywhere, even though he had changed his clothes.  
  
I don't think what happened was inevitable, so much as it was unpredictable. From the time Relena started crying into her salad I counted exactly three seconds as events unfolded. They were very busy seconds, of course: First Second: Yuy notices. Second Second: Yuy runs across the street. (Accompanied by honks from cars that nearly killed him.) Third Second: Yuy bursts into the restaurant, gun trained at my head and runs over to the table.  
  
I would have been more concerned for Relena, but at the moment I was attempting to gauge whether the gun was being pointed at me in earnest and how I should react to it. Yuy looked at me, metallic and cold as the gun I faced, and demanded.  
  
"What did you do to her?"  
  
I didn't even attempt to answer such a stupid question, there were far more important things, like cocking my own gun silently into my cloth napkin.  
  
"Go away Heero!" Relena didn't even look up as she said it. There was little force but a lot of conviction in her statement.  
  
Blind fury lit his features with lightening quickness before he composed himself again. For the first time in my association with this man I feared him. Everything inside of the restaurant had paused, like some sick waxwork exhibit and just as eerie. A child asked a question a table away and was quickly hushed by a frightened parent. Someone else tried to stifle a cough. I had had enough of this.  
  
"Be reasonable Yuy. Look around." I tried to bring him back into reality.  
  
He shook his head as if to clear it and his eyes flickered back and forth, taking in the various elements of the scene he had created. Sweat seemed to form on his brow.  
  
"False alarm. Go back to your business." His gun was re-holstered and I did the same with mine, glad that he had calmed down enough to pretend to act civilized. "You." I didn't like the tone he took with Relena but I could do little to challenge him without making this even more of a public relations nightmare than it already was. "Come with me."  
  
"No." She sounded childish, but I could understand her hesitation.  
  
Yuy didn't wait any longer, he simply picked her up. Following many great peaceful protesters before her, she went limp in an attempt to use passive resistance. In effect she looked like a dead body slung over his shoulder, still the focus of the nominally functioning restaurant. Once he had stormed a little way towards the back, trying to manage the body of the Vice Foreign Minister, I began to follow. There was no need to worry about the check. I'm sure Relena would make proper amends to them later anyway, but just to be sure I left a couple dollars I had in a pocket and hoped it would at least cover the salad.  
  
With a bang, the door to the men's room hit the wall behind it and Yuy marched in as several men ran out hurriedly buttoning their suit pants. I guarded the outside, preventing anyone else from entering or listening and settled down to wait. The faint sniffles from Relena ceased after I heard someone blow their nose.  
  
"You're such an ass, Heero." Her voice was thick from crying and echoed in the room.  
  
"I'm doing my job."  
  
"Yes, heaven forbid you let go of anything for even a moment." Her sarcasm was almost tangible.  
  
"You don't understand . . ."  
  
"No, I don't. Why don't you enlighten me?" There was a long pause after that. "I thought as much."  
  
I thought to myself that it was an unfair question to ask. To people like Heero or I, life was the job. It wasn't about intensity or devotion, it was simply the way we framed our reality. Even that didn't eclipse many of our motivations, but it did color many of them. She was a smart woman, after this many years I thought maybe she would understand that. However, this involved Yuy. If it were about me, somehow I felt it would be much clearer to her.  
  
There was the sound of clicking heels approaching me, but they stopped short of the door and I heard water begin to run. After a moment the water was shut off and the clicks carried her a short distance. Four strides was all it took for her to reach her destination. I almost wish I could have seen the expressions on their faces. In my own mind I had a stony frown on hers and with Yuy the usual neutral base expression.  
  
"Why would you do something so rash, Heero?"  
  
"Today was. . ."  
  
"I'm not talking about today."  
  
There was another pregnant silence.  
  
Relena's breathy sigh echoed loudly. "You must know how rejected I felt."  
  
"I don't think this is the time. . ."  
  
"Why not?" Her quiet tone rose a bit, now aggravated. "When will it be the time? A week from now in my office? A year from now at a conference? Tell me."  
  
"Calm down, Relena."  
  
"I AM calm." She sniffed again. Oh no, the tears must be starting again. I felt uncomfortable, and I wasn't even near her. "You have no idea how confused I am."  
  
Her sniffles became muffled. Then they ceased. After another pause I heard a groan. My carefully controlled diffidence strained against the temptation to open the door. There was a murmur and a number of clicks in rapid succession.  
  
"What do you want Heero?" Her breathing was loud, more like panting, as if she were winded. "Can you tell me that?"  
  
There was another period of silence, Heero's specialty.  
  
"I see."  
  
I moved away from the door quickly to prevent being hit by it. Relena emerged looking serene. Nodding to me imperiously, she let go of the door and walked towards the table where she had abandoned her purse. As the door swung shut I caught a glimpse of Yuy. He was looking at Relena's retreating form, sadness in his eyes.  
  
Relena's own look: eyes half lidded, corners of the lips drawn down (and suspiciously puffy as well), plus the stiffness of her walk all clued me into how she must feel similarly to the melancholy man in the bathroom.  
  
They were both fools, so far as I was concerned. 


	9. Nine

I needed some darkness. And another chapter is born (looks nervously at homework on one side of her mental plate, looks guiltily at the two fics she should work on at the other side of her mental plate.) Oh hell. I haven't done Heero in 1st person yet, I think. And he seems to lend himself to a sort of broody darkness. This should be difficult for me to pull off, but I'll try it anyway.  
  
Disclaimer: see previous chapters  
  
I watch the blood slide down the back of my hand, dark and thick. For some reason that always mystified me, I had often found myself entranced by the sight of my own blood. It was so vital and fresh, and as I watched it touch the outside world I always felt there was an inherent purity to it as well. Maybe I was confused, though, because I had a long way to go before I could consider anything about myself pure. Serving her was all part of my redemption as well as my wish.  
  
As I washed the blood from my split knuckles in the kitchen sink, I considered what I should do with the blood covering my clothing. Most of it wasn't my own after all, and I hated the way it reinforced the tainted feeling I was entertaining as my rush of adrenaline tapered off to a mere buzz.  
  
It was my job to protect her, I told myself, and what had happened was perfectly understandable, but my hands still shook beneath the cold water. That he had thought he could get past my flawless security system . . . well I was impressed at how far he got actually. That's why I decided to confront him myself rather than call in for back up. It was almost the end of my shift anyway, so leaving my post right then was not that critical.  
  
After a quick, but thorough because I could do nothing less, check to make sure no one else was invaded her property, I shed my jacket and stretched a bit. The sound of joints popping in time to my well practiced movements was my reassurance that the stretches were doing their job. I stuck a knife in my boot just in case the fight turned ugly. I always carry a gun, even if I don't use it to kill anymore. A shot in the leg is often quite helpful, even if it protracts the fight out.  
  
With a deep breath, I walked out into the chilly air that marked the passage into fall. The leaves hadn't fallen yet and they provided even greater cover for the silent intruder in the darkness of tonight's new moon. I always suspected an attack on nights like this. They were the sorts of things I used to plan myself. The air was crisp, and my black t- shirt and pants are not particularly heavy. Cold is not great concern, I'll be warm enough soon.  
  
From how I calculated the objective and the speed of his travel I should be seeing my opponent in about two. More. Seconds. THERE.  
  
The smile I give is the one I would never let her see. It is unnatural. It is carnivorous. It is anticipatory of great violence.  
  
I step into the light, away from the wall and the ivy in which I had been leaning, and my quarry halts with a stiff awkward jolt of the limbs. Perhaps I won't have the element of surprise now, but I always off a fair fight. My natural talents tend to give me an advantage anyway. I wouldn't do this if there was an extreme amount of risk, but then I wouldn't do this if there was no risk at all either. Balance must be maintained.  
  
The mask they wear obscures their eyes and I cannot read what they are thinking. My heartbeat starts to speed up, and I don't attempt to regulate it. Increased blood flow gives my muscles some much needed warmth and a shiver works its way across my lower back. Now what would I have done in such a situation?  
  
My wait is not disappointed. Instead of fleeing, an amateurish response, the intruder attacks. Taking out a lone guard who does not appear to have alerted anyone else is desirable to aborting the mission altogether. It's for moments like these that I purposefully misrepresent the time tables of when I work. The dart that my enemy threw at me with admirable dexterity grazes my neck as I dodge.  
  
Before they can pull out any other toys I make the battle close and personal. Now that I can no longer kill, guns are too tempting to be my chosen weapons anymore. On some levels, my fists are far more satisfying anyway. One of my punches lands squarely on the intruder's eye, smashing the goggles. My hand bleeds, but I'm already in too deep to feel any pain. I catalogue the injury so I will remember to tend to it later - an old habit from those days when my training was still fresh in my mind. Now it is instinct rather than a memory.  
  
They rip off mask and goggles together and I stare into the frantic, angry face of a man who looks to be my age. Maybe he is even a year or two younger. The knife he draws is long and jagged, but I know that all he has is the advantage of reach. My own choice is thin and small. My speed is greater and he must already know this fight is over. Relena's voice in my head, the conscience I had been given from her as a burden, as a gift, suggests mercy. I consider it a moment.  
  
"Fuck you, and your bitch. We don't need her dictatorship anymore. The colonies will have freedom from Earth's neoimperialist slavery." He sneers at me, like the martyr he assumes himself to be. "If not me, there will be others who will come."  
  
It was like waving a red flag in front of me. So long as we were locked in this clear moment, this fight, I could separate it from motives. The outside world was full of complications, but the world I had offered him was simple. Now he had made it personal, and so I would no longer hold back even if he was not my equal in battle.  
  
My growl was louder than I wanted it to be, and our blades clashed. With a flick of my hand I severed one of his fingers and his knife dropped as he briefly went into shock. Kicking it towards a bush, I threw my own knife away and advanced, the sick smile back on my face. Not only could I not hold back anymore, I needed to break. Some call it bloodlust, but it was a more complex emotion than mere lust. There was joy, triumphant joy, and an almost sexual feeling of release as I smashed my fist into his face again and again. He had gone unconscious long ago, but my hand continuously met his face with each moist slam. When I heard the crack, I knew I had broken his nose and that's when I stopped, panting, speckled by blood and wondering again whether I was really human.  
  
There may be more like him. That could be true. But I will always be here to meet them.  
  
As for the man, he is alive, but barely. I'm pretty sure he will be nearly blind in the future, though. I look at him for a moment and wonder at how young and inexperienced he was. Did he and his idealistic revolutionary friends have any idea of what the war had been like? Did they remember? They didn't know what a dictatorship was, not really, if they thought was Relena offered the Earth and colonies fell into that category. I was the same age as him, but for me the war was something that defined me even more than the peace I now fought for. I had beaten him for his ignorance and my hatred for that ignorance as much as for the threat he posed against Relena.  
  
I wiped my mouth with my hand as I thought of all this, crouched next to the sink, rocking back and forth unconsciously.  
  
I didn't kill him. I didn't kill him.  
  
My mantra rang though my head. Maybe I could still be worthy to guard her so long as I could follow that one simple instruction. The main problem was that for me it was not simple, but a tempting rule to break.  
  
"Heero." The lights came on the stainless steel, sterile kitchen in which the same cook had been making Relena's meals for over a decade. I knew this room, it defensible capabilities, and relative weaknesses for years, but tonight it was foreign just because it chose to house me and her in that same moment. How could I explain when there were no words for it? 'I beat a man nearly to death because I love you and I love what you have done for all of us.'  
  
No, I had no words for her. And I knew that the blood was still on my face even if she could not see it on my shirt. I'm sure she could smell it. There was a lot of it on me after all.  
  
"What happened?" At times I have wondered if she were a witch. She always knows where I am and at my lowest most despicable times she shows up like some personal demi-goddess to make me forget.  
  
The arms she throws around me are soft, with no real muscle to speak of, and I tell myself that what I did I had to do. The lies compound. I have done it in the past. I have told this lie many times, but the excuse cracks a little more with each retelling. Someday I'll admit my sins to myself. Hopefully they won't destroy me. If not, it will be because of her.  
  
"My poor Heero." She whispers, her compassion painful for me to accept when a man is dying outside because of my savage brutality. After a some time I allow myself to wrap my arms about her and find oblivion - absolution. If I really loved her as much as I suspect I do, I would stop debasing myself with violence, but for now I will use the only tools I have left after a lifetime of bringing death to make sure she lives on.  
  
And she loves me in spite of that.  
  
"I've got to go. People need to be notified." She lets me go reluctantly. I let go of her with even greater reluctance.  
  
"I'll be waiting for you when you finish."  
  
I know where she will be. I also know she will wait as long as she has to. Logically I should let her sit there, waiting for dawn, and not chance the prospect of telling her the truth of what happened - as I know I'll be compelled to do.  
  
Yet I appear, an hour later, an intruder in the sitting room next to her bedroom. The robe she put on over her nightgown is modest, and the way she has curled into the chair next to the balcony windows makes her look so small and much too young. I turn to go.  
  
"You wouldn't leave me like that would you?" She did not move from her chair. I'm even more convinced she's a witch. "Come in."  
  
"I shouldn't."  
  
"But you will." Her prophecy is true enough. I make my way around chairs and tables to stand next to her. She still has not made any move to look at me, but her hand reaches out and touches mine. Forcing her fingers inside my palm, she gives a small squeeze and I reflexively shut my hand around hers, trapping it even when she hesitantly tries to pull away at first.  
  
"Did you enjoy it?" This is the second time this has happened. It is also the second time I have come here. The question is familiar, my answer rote.  
  
"Yes." My voice is harsh. She knows how it hurts me to tell her, and I know that it wounds her to hear, but she can't abide not knowing. I look down at her, and see that her eyes are wet but she doesn't let the tears fall. My own eyes are unforgiving, willing her to accept me. Even this. Even the beast in me she fears.  
  
"I'm tired Heero. I'll see you tomorrow." She unfolds from the chair with a little pain from the limbs that had fallen asleep while she waited. I still hold her hand, but finally relinquish control. She pulls my head down and kisses my cheek softly. "Good night."  
  
"Good night, Relena." I tell an empty room. Lack of rejection is not acceptance, but my anemic shred of hope will live on so long as she does nothing to crush it. 


	10. Ten

Am I manic? No! I just like to switch things up a bit. Seems like it has been a little too serious. . . though I admit that's a symptom of me working on my other GW fic (that I refuse to shamelessly plug here) but which is solid comedy. Thus this becomes a way to balance it out. Of course, I can't stand things to be too down. And now, to quote some rather brilliant men from the 70's, for something completely different. This explores a day through e-mails. Good lord. . . . I think I may be losing it. Love it? Hate it? Either way, it's only one piece of this bizarre little project. It will be different next time. :D Sorry it's so short (even for this), but it didn't lend itself to being so terribly drawn out. Heh.  
  
NOTICE: Tell me if you want me to write up what happens 'Saturday' or not in a review and I'll consider it. Like I've said, it isn't supposed to be directly sequential, but I might make an exception for this one.  
  
Disclaimer: See previous chapters.  
  
* * *  
  
From: Minister Darlian  
  
To: Mrs. Winner  
  
RE: 'Question'  
  
Mrs. Winner,  
  
I am sending you this in regards to the message you sent me about the current state of my involvement with a certain member of the Preventor organization. Due to the suddenness of the question and the sensitive nature of such personal inquiries I regret to inform you that I cannot give you any answer save that my relationships with that group are purely professional.  
  
Again, I send my deepest regrets at what was obviously a sincere attempt to ascertain my current condition.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Relena Darlian  
  
Vice Foreign Minister  
  
Attached: Copy of invitation to the event next Saturday that you requested.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[content of attachment]  
  
Dorothy! How could you! You know very well that my email is monitored just as everything else in my life is. (Can you see me grumbling from there?) As if I could actually answer a question like that when there is even the slightest possibility HE could see it. That would be disaster. I refuse to give him that sort of ammunition. Especially right now.  
  
Do you know what he did? Oh. . . I'll tell you what he did.  
  
I had just noticed that I had a run in my stocking, but when I bent down he couldn't see me in the crowd of people at the convention and assumed I had somehow run away or been kidnapped. He searched most of the building for me until activating and using the TRACKING DEVICE he had planted on my shoe (and no I had no knowledge of this device), only to barge in on me removing one of my thigh highs in the ladies room. He didn't even blush when an elderly dignitary screamed and fainted as he burst in with his gun. And I must say, when he broke open the stall door as I was removing the second stocking, I think he turned about five shades of red. I seriously thought when I heard that lady scream that I was going to die.  
  
I was livid, of course.  
  
The only good part of all this was the explicit promise he had to put in writing not to bug me without notifying me AND Preventer headquarters. Ha. That's what he gets for being such an over protective moron.  
  
How are Quatre and the kids? I haven't heard from you in ages.  
  
Relena  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
From: Dorothy Winner  
  
To: Minister Darlian  
  
RE: Invitation to Saturday's event.  
  
Dear Minister Darlian,  
  
I am sorry for my inconsiderate email. I should have known better than to make such personal inquiries informally. Perhaps I can make an appointment with your secretary for lunch sometime to talk matters over.  
  
In addition, I think I may have found a mistake on the invitation you so kindly supplied me. Please look at the additions I have highlighted and tell me if I am mistaken. You can see my dilemma, and I would appreciate a response as soon as it is convenient for you.  
  
Cordially,  
  
Mrs. Winner  
  
Attached: Revised Invitation  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[content of attachment]  
  
Relena you naughty thing! I say, bathroom or no, fainted elderly lady nonwithstanding, you still should have just arched your back, let your skirt ride up a little more, and given the man enough fodder to force him to take cold showers for weeks.  
  
Of course you always get so puritanical about things like that. I've always told you if you don't grasp the moment then you'll never land that great hulking idiot of a Gundam pilot. He simply won't understand unless you spell it out. I mean, Quatre is arguably the most sensitive of those poor disgruntled and misused boys and you know what hoops I had to jump through to get him to pop the question.  
  
Not that I expect Heero to ask you to marry him just because you flash a little skin, but I think that after all this time a date should be in order. I've never seen two people as repressed and socially stunted as you two. I swear, you may be a brilliant politician, dear friend, but when it comes to your romantic life you're worse than a kid at grasping the fundamentals.  
  
And again, that modesty of yours simply must be put on the back burner.  
  
Wear some miniskirts to work. Pick up things in front of him. Brush against him whenever possible on 'accident'. I have a million ways you can at least start to flirt with him and I will convert you to my cause (really your cause but I don't see you moving fast enough for my liking). Think of me as your personal trainer, and these things as exercises.  
  
Quatre and the children are fine. Currently Quatre is in his office pouring over paperwork so that he knows what he's going to be shmoozing about to all those old men and women on Saturday. I poked him in the belly yesterday and told him that I thought he was getting a little chubby, (just like his son who still has those adorable cheeks I love to pinch - and who now has enough words to complain when I do it). It was a joke of course but he got this wounded look on his face and now I think he's sulking. Bah. He should be less sensitive; we've both gotten a lot softer since the kids were born.  
  
I blame you and that incessant peace you seem to maintain against all odds. A little war would make me so much more energetic.  
  
Now whomever could your date be on Saturday?  
  
Dorothy  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
From: Minister Darlian  
  
To: Mrs. Winner  
  
RE: Revised Invitation  
  
Mrs. Winner,  
  
I have given the document a thorough examination and I only caught one error. It seemed not terribly essential given the nature of the event, but I have made the necessary corrections.  
  
Please accept my apologies for any confusion. I look forward to catching up with you on Saturday.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Relena Darlian  
  
Vice Foreign Minister  
  
Attached: Final Version of the invitation  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[content of attachment]  
  
Dorothy,  
  
You're horrid! You know I was just in the middle of reading your attachment when Heero came striding in (without knocking I might add) and proceeded to tell me that restrictions he had to operate under for the gathering on Saturday were 'unacceptable' and that I was putting myself in 'unreasonable' danger.  
  
I said, 'Yes, heaven forbid I get another run in my stocking or you might just take hostages.'  
  
I know, I know. I was totally asking for another more unpleasant argument, but it was at the top of my mind and I was annoyed all over again.  
  
But that's not the best part! The best part is that after I said it he looked like he was going to argue and then suddenly his eyes got wide and he went white as a sheet. I actually had to wave my hand in front of him to get him to react. As soon as he focused in again, of course, he gave me the most virulent scowl in existence and then stormed out of the room.  
  
I'm not sure how to take it, but I think it could be progress. Maybe? Perhaps? Do you think I'm a little too optimistic? On the one hand, I also know he is overworked and barely sleeps. He could just have lost it for a moment. No use getting my hopes up.  
  
Even if he wants my body, that wouldn't be very fulfilling would it. . . well, I must admit I think it would be fun but I'm talking about the long term here. You know it feels like we've been a relationship forever, but we never got to do any of the fun things. It somehow skipped over into (mostly) easy companionship (when he isn't going out of his way to invade my privacy for the sake of safety).  
  
I think I'll take a page from your book and wear something daring to the gathering. To hell with reporters. I'll do what I want for once and if he doesn't react then I'll just have to give up on him and get a real boyfriend!  
  
What do you think? Want to help me choose a dress tomorrow evening? I don't know where to go. . . you've seen my outfits. I get all my suits tailored, but I don't think there is time for that for the dress. So? Can you?  
  
Relena  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
From: Dorothy Winner  
  
To: Minister Darlian  
  
RE: Invitation to Saturday's event.  
  
Dear Minister Darlian,  
  
Thank you very much for your consideration.  
  
This is a copy of my schedule, should the eventuality arise that you have some time to meet earlier. I do not know how much time either of us will have at the event and I simply wish to confirm plans ahead of time.  
  
Cordially,  
  
Mrs. Winner  
  
Attached: Partial Week's Schedule for D. Winner.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
[content of attachment]  
  
Relena,  
  
Of *course* I will help you pick out a dress. But that means you had better get ready for some pretty racy undergarments as well. Ohohohohoho!  
  
And shoes too.  
  
This is just too good. I have wanted to do this for ages, and I'm sure it will knock some sense into that man to see you as a woman.  
  
We already know he respects you so there is nothing wrong in making you a sex object for the night. I have Thursday night if that works for you. I'll pick you up after work. Just drop me a line if this doesn't work. I won't distract you from your oh so wonderful paperwork any longer.  
  
See you Thursday.  
  
Dorothy 


	11. Eleven

I am breaking my one rule very directly for this one - not even bending it - outright breaking it. This continues from part 10! Good lord! The world is falling around my ears!  
  
So, erm, enjoy! I'll try to push this one to my 5,000 word limit just for all you lovelies who have reviewed so nicely for me. Hugs to you all! ^_____^  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own a single bit of Gundam Wing or its characters. (But if I did, which I don't, I would give Heero and Relena a kissing scene. Heh. More than a kissing scene, honestly, but this is a PG-13 fic and I don't want my mind being tainted before I write this.)  
  
Relena fiddled with her hair. It wasn't the quick and demure pat to the head, or even the consistent brushing away from the face. This was an all out examination of the silky blond threads as she stroked a clump of the strands and ran them over her chin, her lips, her nose, and eventually dropping it to pick up a different bunch. This nervous behavior was starting to drive her impromptu hairdresser to distraction. A well manicured hand slapped at Relena's own with a sharp clear noise, followed by an exclamation.  
  
"I said STOP THAT. Look, I need to finish your hair and I'm almost done, but I won't get anywhere with this if you keep fidgeting like that, got it?" Dorothy's ferocious tones might intimidate others, but Relena had become somewhat numb to them after a few years.  
  
"Sorry." But even as she said it she picked at her hair, curling some hairs around one finger.  
  
"Now you must be doing this just to make me mad, right?" Dorothy's foot tapped the bathroom floor and the tiles, it put Relena in mind of a rogue metronome. Dorothy resumed her ministrations. "You have nothing to worry about. You're holding all the cards right now. You have beauty, poise, style, grace, wit, and most importantly you have the element of surprise. The tactically brilliant but emotionally ignorant man you insist on pursuing will have to appreciate how you forced yourself to have the upper hand, if nothing else."  
  
"That doesn't exactly sound reassuring, Dorothy, but thank you anyway." The ironic smile on Relena's lips fell a bit and she started to fiddle with the belt on her robe rather than continuing to mess up her hair. The smooth fabric gave her little solace from the fluttering in her stomach. It wasn't just Heero, but she was afraid of what people would think when they saw her in the dress she had purchased mere hours ago. It wasn't that it was indecent, per se, but there were some aspects to it that. . . well. . .  
  
"And there you are. Simple, I know, but it should stay nearly perfectly the rest of the night since I put a little gel in to firm it up and keep the volume in. If he doesn't drop to your feet and worship you as a goddess tonight I'll be sorely disappointed. Now for the makeup."  
  
"Makeup?" Relena looked concerned. "I don't wear makeup." She owned: lipgloss, some white face paint left over from Halloween two years ago, and one stick of light pink lipstick that was just for when she had to appear on television.  
  
"I figured that would be the case, and lucky for you I am prepared." Dorothy disappeared, only to come back in with the large purse she had carried with her when they were shopping. From the black hole of this purse Dorothy pulled out eyeliner, mascara, eyelash curlers, lipstick, and pencils of various sorts as well as other implements.  
  
"But my public image. . ."  
  
"Won't suffer from one night of wearing makeup. Don't fight me on this because you won't win. Besides, there is no reason to do this by halves. Now hold still, I don't want to poke your eye out." Yet another inspiring comment. Dorothy carefully applied color to Relena's eyes and lips. "I can't believe you sometimes. No makeup indeed."  
  
"My public relations advisor and I had a discussion a few years ago and we decided that I should try to retain a clean cut and 'down to earth' image as long as possible. The more youthful I look, the better I do in the surveys." Relena closed her eyes and tried not to think of what Dorothy was jabbing her with or what chemicals had gone into it.  
  
"Look, you cannot be sixteen forever, no matter what the public likes. It's times you gave yourself a chance to grow up. Hell, you've had to do live an adult's life since you were fifteen and they expect you to be a child for them too? I could never be so accommodating, my friend." Dorothy snorted in derision at the situation in general, not at Relena in specific. Dorothy made soft noises as she worked, softly humming but following no tune. "You can open your eyes now."  
  
Relena was almost afraid to comply. When she allowed her eyes to crack open, she found to her immense surprise that the work Dorothy had done had transformed her despite altering so little. Just a little color, a tint change to her lips, the push up of her eyelashes-Relena couldn't believe that you could get such dramatic change. Maybe she should invest in some makeup of her own. The orchestrater of this stood behind Relena, admiring her work with a smug look. With a nod to herself, as if reassuring her course of action, Relena stood and let the robe fall away so that she could look at the combined effect with the gown.  
  
"It will do. Now get downstairs and knock him on his ass." Dorothy packed away her things. "I'll leave the lipstick just in case you need to touch it up tonight." A broad wink followed this statement. "See you soon."  
  
Before Dorothy could leave the room, Relena quickly caught her and held her hand in lieu of hugging her and possibly messing up the work her friend had accomplished. "Thank you, so very much." There was so much honest and warm emotion in Relena's voice that Dorothy found herself embarrassed to be exposed to such raw emotion. A blush brushed her high cheekbones and she nodded and took her leave.  
  
Relena looked at herself in the full length mirror that lay inside her closet. Normally she only used it to make a rigorous check every morning to assure herself that she was immaculate. It was not vanity, but a sense of propriety and the distinct awareness of her position and image that prompted that daily examination. The same critical sense, built of habit, made her look at herself with an eye that could only find fault. The hair, full and a little wild, was relatively unkempt and the part on the side forced some hair over one eye. It was impractical. The dusky brown that touched at her eyes, and the way her lashes seemed so long and dark, gave her an exotic look that was foreign to her own self image. It was out of character. The deep, dark wine of her lips and dress was an unacceptable shade. Red was not demure. And the dress itself was something she couldn't even bring herself to think about lest she lose all the nerve she had gathered in the past hours.  
  
She was pinching the bridge of her nose, in an attempt to bring relief to the headache she anticipated getting from the stress when the knock came at her door.  
  
"Relena, we need to leave soon." Shaking her head to clear it, she grabbed her purse off her bed and dropped the lipstick into it. Heero's voice had been flat, but she knew that he didn't like it when she didn't keep to the schedule. The one he had made to assure a quick and seamless arrival was about to be set off kilter by her own human error. Maybe tonight she could make him a little more human as well.  
  
When she opened the door to face him, putting the shoulder wrap on, she didn't see his eyes widen or his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard, but she did see the way he pressed his lips together in slight irritation before he offered her his arm. She wouldn't allow herself to be disappointed. After all, she had all night.  
  
* * *  
  
Heero kept his eyes forward, on the road, scanning for signs of trouble ostensibly, but actually simply trying to keep himself distracted. Every time they passed a street light Relena's bared shoulders lit up and he was temped to look over, but he refused to make a fool of himself again as he had when they had taken their seats in the back of the car and the slit he had not noticed previously on her dress fell away a bit to expose her right leg to the upper thigh. He had hit his head on the car while getting in, staring at it, and absently he rubbed the red spot as he rearranged his bangs to cover it. Since making Dorothy's life a living hell for this torture was unwise, he would make sure to give Quatre trouble next time he saw him. That man needed to be more aware of what his wife did, since it was obvious she was capable of immeasurable mischief.  
  
This was not the Relena he knew.  
  
The Relena he knew was proper. She didn't have this languid stride that shifted her hips in that beguiling way, or a penchance for wearing dresses that were cut so low and slit so high. When he had noted that as she breathed the front of her dress would slide open just enough to confirm a lack of bra he had realized how very fascinating he suddenly needed to find the foliage of the passing trees.  
  
He tried to find a reason to be indignant. From a professional point of view he couldn't allow her to be in public like this since it was distracting, but this was not a valid reason since he should not have been distracted by anything let alone the way she was dressed. It wasn't as if he had any say in her wardrobe, so he couldn't personally protest. Even if he could lay out an argument from a personal perspective, how would he phrase it? You're too. . . sexy?  
  
Wrong choice of words. Now that he had connected Relena and sex in his mind, there was no way to extract the concepts from one another. Heero's eyes went wide as flashes of that time he had burst into the bathroom flickered, unbidden, before his eyes. The way her chest had heaved a little in shock, the hair that had hung down around her face, and those legs-the very same legs that had already gotten him in trouble yet again tonight. But now he was just thinking in circles. This was unproductive. Consciously he forced his hands to unclench.  
  
"Is something wrong Heero?" That deceptively sweet tone made him want to open this car door, roll into the fall and take off into the woods. That might be a preferable pain than an entire night of fighting against either embarrassing himself or both of them by doing something drastic. Hormones were a terrible radical variable.  
  
"No." It was half grunt, and completely forced from between his teeth. Already his hand was around the handle of the car door. The locks went down and his angry glance caught Trowa's in the mirror. The whole world seemed to be out to get him tonight. The smirk Trowa wore on his face made Heero's anger, already rising, almost unbearable now. Frustration, irritation, helpless rage. . . and desire. No way to escape. This evening was hell. He had died and this was hell. It was the only answer.  
  
The car pulled up to the entrance and the doors unlocked. Heero got out and opened the door for Relena. Even just her hand on his sent tremors through his body, urgently screaming at him to touch more than her hand. He ignored them.  
  
Relena gave Heero an adorable smile. "Shall we go on?" He simply nodded, eyes almost crossing as she took a deep breath before they walked in.  
  
* * *  
  
To say that people were shocked was an understatement. Her favorite moments of the evening were when she held discussions with diplomats she had known for years and it took them some time before they realized it was her. The transition from confusion to shock was better entertainment than the dry technical subjects they canvassed in an attempt to have meaningful small talk. Dorothy, when she arrived with Quatre, gave Relena a small nod and left her to her own devices. They both had jobs to do at this gathering, and sadly they would mostly likely not find much time to be able to talk to one another beyond a simple courtesy greeting.  
  
After a couple of hours, once she had met with all the most important people, Relena allowed herself some time to breathe. It was odd, really, because usually Heero brought her some water and forced her to stop being so active before she wore herself out prematurely (he had learned he needed to do this after she fainted three hours into one evening of "relaxed" socializing). Forcing herself to make polite excuses to the elderly man who she was sure was speaking to her chest and not her as she talked, Relena went to get water. That's what she told herself and the old Duke as well, but she was really searching for a certain bodyguard who was making himself scarce.  
  
The punch was easy to find. It was both spiked and watered down giving it a faint twang that didn't please her so much, but she sipped at it anyway to relieve her dry throat before it got sore. A middle aged woman lifted an eyebrow in her direction and Relena got the distinct feeling she was being judged. The unpleasantness of being disapproved of passed and she thrilled in the fact that she was acting so out of character. It was like playing a part, and this was fun. There was no reason to be intimidated when she had done this specifically to turn heads. The matron was graced with a dazzling smile from the object of her disdain, and Relena turned around to come face to face with a colony representative who must have arrived late. He was fairly new, and he was young and decently good looking, but what inclined Relena not to think kindly of him at the moment was that there was no other way to describe his facial expression besides 'leering'.  
  
"Minister Darlian, I must say you look especially lovely this evening." He grabbed her arm and she only pulled away a little. Sadly, the diplomat inside of her was thrilled and calculating a way to turn this to her advantage. His colony had been somewhat prickly as of late and any goodwill she could generate would make the next few months of policy debate much less headache inducing. Even so, it was only reluctantly she allowed herself be pulled aside.  
  
"Representative Weiss, I'm so very happy that you think so. I'm surprised you recognized me so readily, some people have had a hard time this evening doing so." She massaged his ego and could practically see it expand before her.  
  
"I could recognize you anywhere, Miss Darlian. May I call you Relena?"  
  
Her eyelid only twitched a little. He moved quickly didn't he, came the sardonic thought. "I'm afraid I barely know you, Mr. Weiss." The young man feigned displeasure. "Maybe in a few years. . ." She tried to say it flirtatiously, to take the edge off, but she had never done anything flirtatiously and wasn't sure she was doing it right. This was starting to feel less and less like an opportunity so much as a chore. Catching sight of a golden blond head, she found salvation. "I'm afraid I must leave you, I was on my way to speak to Mr. Winner when you caught me. Good evening." Weiss let go of her hand, finally, with a slight frown, and Relena made her escape to Quatre.  
  
"Quatre!" She gave the ex-Gundam pilot a hug. Dorothy had been right, he was definitely a little squishier than had been when they were a few years younger. Then again, she was probably just as changed. Best not to think of such things when wearing a dress like this.  
  
"Relena! Dorothy said she was going to help you get ready tonight, and I can see that she hasn't lost her flair for the dramatic. However, did she convince you to do it?"  
  
"You may not believe this, but I asked her." A glint of mischief touched Relena's eyes as she brushed at her hair.  
  
"Far be it for me to doubt our noble Vice Foreign Minister's veracity." Quatre seemed to think a moment and then gave a small laugh. "So did he say anything?" The low tone, the wink, and Relena realized Quatre was talking about Heero. Her eyes went wide and she tried force herself to act cool.  
  
"Whatever can you mean?" Quatre just let one eyebrow rise as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Oh very well, I can never bluff with you Gundam pilots. HE has not said anything. In fact I cannot find HIM since we entered. I don't think HE even noticed."  
  
"Well, I think you're wrong. Why don't you go ask him?" Quatre pointed to a shady corner where dark drapes converged. A form moved slightly, and Heero materialized from the shadows, aware that Quatre had pointed out his hiding place. "He'll run off and hide again if you don't catch him now."  
  
"Thank you, Quatre, trust you to still have the skill to find Heero in a crowded ballroom. I think I have the courage to go talk to him now." She gave Quatre's hand a quick squeeze and then moved at a brisk pace towards Heero. He saw he coming, but made no attempt to escape. That would have been even more suspicious than his behavior had already been tonight. Darn Quatre.  
  
As Relena made her way towards him, his heart-rate began to speed up. What could she want? Was she mad? He ran through several scenarios in his head. All of them ended with a big unfocused question mark. There was nothing she could have to say to him. This was probably just an attempt to inquire about why he had not been around much this evening. He had excuses prepared. This was under his control. She arrived in front of him, half of her face illuminated by the lamp several feet away. Her deep crimson lips pressed together and then parted, only to devastate his easy confidence with the question:  
  
"Would you like to see the garden with me? I was going out there anyway, and I know you would be obliged to follow me, but it's much nicer if we go together. The other way is a little odd."  
  
"I haven't prepared security checks for the garden."  
  
"When has that stopped me? I'm going whether you approve or not. I'll find someone else to go with me if- "  
  
"I'll go." He bit it out. This was bad, but he couldn't find a reason why he thought it was such an alarming prospect. It was just Relena and him, no one else, so there couldn't be any problems, right? The skeptic in him gave a loud mental snort.  
  
* * *  
  
"It's somewhat cold out tonight, isn't it?" Relena rubbed her arms and a breeze raised the hairs on her arms.  
  
"I guess." One hand on the gun in his jacket, Heero was ready for anything. The deeper they went into the garden, the less secure he felt, for a number of reasons. Why was she doing this to him?  
  
"Heero," Her arm slipped into his own, and he found he was actually surprised by the action. He had been concentrating so hard on ignoring her, that he had apparently succeeded. "Walk with me, not behind me."  
  
They continued on like this. Relena, trying to get his attention and hold it, and Heero attempting to dodge her attempts at conversation and making sure not to let his mind wander to her presence too often. It was a frustrating time for both of them, and both were getting close to their breaking point.  
  
Fortunately, depending on your view of the situation, Relena tripped.  
  
It might have been preventable, but then she was in thin heels and they were walking on a cobbled path. Her ankle gave way, sending her pitching forward, only to hitch her arm on Heero's and swinging in an arch into his arms instead of onto the ground.  
  
This was more than a bodyguard, than any man really, should have been expected to bear. That dress, which hugged her body like a second skin, didn't cover the part of her back that he clutched and she would surely feel how warm and sweaty his palms were. What was even worse was the way her leg had moved up and forward to rub against the outside of his upper thigh. Oh God, she even smelled like vanilla. He pushed her away quickly, but she had surely noticed, and oh lord she was smiling. They had been pressed so close together and after an evening of hiding it well enough, there was no way she could have missed the very obvious evidence of his attraction when that close to him. Now all she needed to do was start laughing and this evening would be complete.  
  
Gingerly, she approached him, expecting him to bolt like a wild animal. Instead, he looked straight forward, disassociating himself from the whole ordeal, waiting for a release from this moment and back to a place where he could pretend it had never happened.  
  
"Heero, look at me." Her hand was cold on his cheek. His eyes burned with an inner shame, but there was no laughter in her own. Slowly, her mouth approached his and her eyes closed. It would have been easy to back away or to halt her movement, but in a flash of selfishness he allowed something he had sworn he would never do happen.  
  
His head came down to meet her halfway, eyes open, as they kissed. It was nice at first, but then it wasn't enough. He was greedy for her: her warmth, her taste, everything, and he took it. Biting at her lips he began to move down to that long, white neck and then her shoulders while his hands moved over her back and hips before settling on her backside and pulling her body up against his own. Relena responded with little moans, entwining her leg with his and slowly rocking her hips forward. Unfortunately, Heero couldn't allow this lapse of judgment indefinitely.  
  
With a deep indrawn breath he pulled away from her neck, already turning red where he had bitten at it a bit too hard. "We have to stop." He nearly choked as her moist lips brushed his earlobe.  
  
"Why?" Unwilling to relinquish the moment, Relena probed the sensitive cords of muscle on his neck with her tongue, purring with pleasure as his hands moved over her thighs in a rough kneading motion Heero was only half aware he was doing.  
  
"Because. . ." Was all his strangled logic could manage. Relena gave a sigh, and after a soft parting kiss to his neck, she pulled back. She was cruel but not ruthless, and the raw panic he was giving off in waves was not exactly encouraging.  
  
As she pulled away entirely, she found that she had to turn away from him. Even if it wasn't rejection exactly, it was still yet another delay-another roadblock that he put in place to prevent them from being together. Something inside of her felt like it was dying. She had not thought of tonight as a last attempt for anything, whether affection or merely attention, but the constant jerking around of her emotions by this man had simply left her tired. There was only a little while left before it would be courteous to leave the party, but as soon as she could manage it, she was going home. Tonight was no longer fun. Sleep, as a refuge from thinking about her waking life, seemed so tempting. Carefully, Relena schooled her expression to something impassive.  
  
"I just want to finish my tour of the garden and then we can go back." Her tone was flat. "Is that fine with you?" She took his silence for a yes.  
  
For another few minutes she examined leaves and buds with great interest, and did not say a single word to Heero. She made her way back into the ballroom and then back towards the bathroom. He followed and then waited for her outside. As she emerged, again immaculate with hair rearranged from its previously disheveled state and lipstick reapplied, he couldn't help but note a complete reversal in her demeanor. Before there had been something daring, something challenging, but now she appeared to be so remote and regal. The air around her was practically frigid. With a lofty nod, she finally acknowledged his presence and then continued to socialize. Heero stationed himself against the wall again.  
  
All he could figure out was that somehow he had made a grave mistake. The way she had reacted to him made him inclined to think that it was not his aggressive perusal of her after she had initiated contact. That meant that he had screwed up by stopping them. There had been several reasons for that, some of them location and time related, but on closer inspection he was willing to admit to himself that he had stopped because he had wanted it too much. Somehow being given the thing he had coveted and set aside as unacceptable wild fantasy, a mix of business and pleasure dangerous to them both, frightened him with the strength of his reaction.  
  
Or perhaps ready capitulation, considering how you looked at it.  
  
However the more he tried to analyze it, the more he started to feel like a fool.  
  
"Rough night?" Quatre's amused tone only made Heero feel surlier.  
  
"I guess."  
  
"Relena seems to be unwell. I think I just heard her tell Representative Weiss that she had a headache, though whether she was implying that it had existed previously or if he was the one giving it to her, I wasn't listening close enough to catch." Quatre's toned was baited, clearly, as he tried to get Heero to react.  
  
"I'll have the car pulled around." Heero stood up from his slumped position and started to walk away.  
  
"Oh Heero," Quatre called in a low voice before Heero could get much further away. "Before you do that you might want to get that lipstick off your neck. I like red, but that shade just doesn't suit you." Heero clapped one hand on his neck and walked faster away from his chuckling friend.  
  
* * *  
  
The atmosphere in the car on the way back was charged, but for a different reason than the ride over had been. Relena sat perfectly stiff, eyes forward, unmoving. Heero tried not to be conscious of her, but it was a nearly impossible task. Nervously, one leg bounced with little movements. It would be better if she yelled at him, hit him, cried, anything. This uneasy calm was terrible in its consistency.  
  
Gracefully she rose from her seat in the car, declining his offered hand. He escorted her to her room as she glided through the entranceway and up the stairs like some ethereal creature. Stretched to the limit of his patience for this, as they halted before her door and before she bid him good night, he grabbed her by the shoulders. Relena gave him a look of horror as she took in the confusion, the concern, the anger that all played across his eyes but did not touch his face otherwise.  
  
"Talk to me." His glare bore into her own indignant one.  
  
"I have nothing to say to you, unless you have something you want to tell me then I am going to change and go to sleep." She made no attempt to struggle against the painful grip he had on her arms. "Now release me."  
  
"No."  
  
"Don't make me scream for help Heero. I don't want to see you disciplined for this." Her concern was honest, even if she was angry at him still.  
  
"This isn't ending like this." He didn't seem to be addressing her so much as reassuring himself.  
  
"What isn't?"  
  
"Tonight. This month. Everything." His fingers unwound from the punishing grip they had had on her arms. Instead they leapt to his hair. "Dammit Relena, you know I was never any good at this sort of thing."  
  
"What sort of thing?" Her heart gave a little leap and she squashed it.  
  
"Personal things. I don't know. . . us?" The way he had said 'us' brought hope back to life in her heart and Relena could feel tears burning at the rims of her eyes. Strangely, she found herself giving a clipped laugh.  
  
"You're right, Heero. You aren't any good at it." The humor died and her voice became serious. "Are you going to try to get better?"  
  
He just stared at her with the usual blank expression and she was afraid for a moment that he would just leave her like that: waiting as she always had for him. Instead, he brought forward a hand and wound it in her hair, making her scalp feel oddly cool where his palm spread out. Slowly, deliberately, he kissed her. The pressure that he exerted and then lessened on her already swollen and somewhat bruised lips betrayed the passion he was purposefully keeping in check. When he pulled back, Relena felt only half conscious, as if maybe she had already fallen asleep.  
  
"Could 'us' work?" She had to ask. The kiss had been nice, but for once she wasn't going to allow ambiguities in a negotiation as important as this one was to her.  
  
"I'll make it work." 


	12. Twelve

Well, this has been fun, but I think I need to put this aside indefinitely. I may come back to it if I'm feeling uninspired or listless, but I have many other projects that I don't think I want to neglect anymore and I probably won't come back to this project in specific. ::Eyes other projects with love/hate feelings of obligation::  
  
I only started it as a lark anyway, since I wanted to fiddle around with some styles I'd never touched before. But hey! Think of it this way, it isn't so much an ending as a good place to pause. I wrote this a while ago, as part of something else (99 ways challenge, if my BI peeps remember that), but it gives a sense of conclusion to this as well as anything else I could have written. I think it is pretty funny, personally. Thanks all you wonderful people for reviewing and helping enable my constant need for feedback. ::hugs::  
  
Disclaimer: Same as previous chapters.  
  
Heero scanned the crowd with his usual blistering scowl. It was a hot day and he was very tired from standing in the sun for hours, waiting for Relena to make her appearance from the inner cool of the building where she had scheduled a meeting. For some reason she had ordered her now very surly (and slightly sunburned) bodyguard to make sure no unauthorized personnel entered. She had been very adamant.  
  
Heero was suspicious.  
  
Relena never cared about the state of her security (a point he had complained about bitterly to her not too long ago). Why would she care today? There had been no threats on her life for at least four months and in general it seemed like things were calming down in her political world. It was about time. Five years was a long time, even if comparably short when you took into account what she had accomplished.  
  
It was possible she was just feeling paranoid, too. Heero never considered being paranoid a bad thing, he considered it being prepared. Regardless of the reasons she had, that did not help him get out of the sun and he silently sweated into his dark suit.  
  
When the last elderly dignitary had made his way out of the doors, Heero made a perfunctory check outside and swept in, using his headset to order someone to take over his position. He had to ask Relena why she had made him a glorified door man for the day, but no sooner had he entered when the hairs on the back of his neck began to rise. Everyone looked nervous. Not just an expected random distribution of them that was bound to occur in government employees and some of the less competent Preventors, but EVERYONE seemed to have the same hunted expression.  
  
He wanted to grab the nearest aid and shake them, demanding information, but something inside of him said that if no one had told him up until now then he wasn't going to get any news that way. At this point, however, he was more alarmed than angry because by his reasoning the only purpose behind not telling him something this big was because it involved the Vice Foreign Minister and everyone knew how he felt about Relena. Or at least it was understood.  
  
Maybe.  
  
He thought perhaps it was possible people had guessed. I mean, he had had a harder time hiding his feelings over the years when they grew stronger with each passing day in her company. They were feelings he didn't dare put a name to even in his mind, for fear that it would be branded on his forehead like the weakness he felt it was.  
  
Damn it, he was really starting to get angry. He knew it because his muscles were flexing as if preparing to be used. The instincts that had more than once aided him in battle were screaming. Allowing himself to snap just a little he grabbed a junior Preventor who was scrupulously avoiding eye contact with him.  
  
"Where is the Minister?" If it were possible for eyes to drill into someone's head, then Heero would be the first to possess that ability. The young Preventor squirmed and gave a little yelp. He pointed in a direction and scurried away as Heero made his way towards the indicated staircase. Even as he mounted the first stair, Duo came careening down, running into him and sending them both sprawling. For a second a look of pure terror was plastered on Duo's face, before he covered it up a little and forced out a greeting.  
  
"Heero, buddy! I didn't realize you'd been called in. . ." Duo was choking for words and fidgeting with his braid.  
  
"I decided my presence securing the front was of limited usefulness."  
  
"Oh, I don't know. . . I mean. . ." Duo seemed to get distracted for a moment and then looked slightly relieved. "The princess is about to come through. I don't think she'll be happy that you left early, she seemed really agitated about something earlier and she's on edge a bit."  
  
Heero cocked his head to one side. "So I noticed."  
  
Striding into the room in a cream skirt and blouse that hugged her curves the way Heero wished his hands could, Relena seemed fidgety as she looked around the room. Electric pulses snapped in his brain as he saw her watching every balcony and second floor landing. She was checking for snipers. Cold and pure rage started a chain reaction that threatened to melt down his sensory functions.  
  
How dare they.  
  
He was the only person who could protect her properly and he wasn't told?!  
  
The only question was who the first person to maim would be. Maxwell seemed to be the obvious choice, but the man in question was edging away back up the stairs as soon as Heero started to give off such a scary aura. As he was fuming, Heero was also scouring the room for any sign of danger, unfortunately for both Heero and Relena; he was not fast enough.  
  
Three shots rang out.  
  
Everyone dropped to the floor, but for one person, who more fell than dropped, blood blossoming on her creamy blouse. On her face was a look of shock and a peculiar smile of relief as now there would be no expectant anxiety of attack. Heero was running towards her as soon as he heard the shots but he was too far away, but he had his gun out and trained a couple of shots before anyone could react. The assassin dodged with amazing skill. With each step he could already feel the numbness set in, the recriminations, the premature feeling of loss, and his knees tried to give before he reached her.  
  
The way her hair cascaded about her head on the floor was so beautiful, but the growing pool of blood beneath her was not. She was already pale and shaking as he picked her up. Others took off after the assassin, knowing that Heero was more preoccupied for once with something more important than security.  
  
Sticky, warm fluid that should not have seen the light of day covered his hands as he held Relena to his chest. An ambulance would be here soon. She just had to hold on. Relena gasped in pain and focused in on Heero's face. A hand delicately brushed his cheek and came away wet as he cried soundlessly, unaware that he had even started.  
  
"Heero. . ." Her breathing was ragged. ". . . Don't cry."  
  
"It won't end like this, I won't let it." He felt the blood soak through his clothes and slide over his skin. He felt ill, not from the feeling, but because of the grim certainty in his mind that no one could loose this much blood this quickly and still live - not even him.  
  
"I'm sorry, Heero. I -" her gasp was sharp. "didn't want to worry you." She finished through clenched teeth.  
  
"It can't happen like this. I love you." Heero couldn't take the words back now, and he didn't want to. She had to know. He pulled Relena closer, wishing to melt into her. "You just have to live." The tears mingled in her hair that smelled like roses and the distinctive odor of blood that brought to mind every battle he had fought in.  
  
"I love you too, Heero." Her voice was louder, stronger.  
  
"I had it all planned out." Blinded by this sudden tearing away of the only thing he valued in his life, the words seemed to spill out. "Once you finished your work I was going to marry you. Then we'd find someplace to live, have a dozen children, and live in the peace you created." He looked into her eyes, searching for something, demanding this reality to conform to his wishes. "But it can't happen if you die!"  
  
Relena was going still and Heero stifled the urge to shake her just to make her move - to convince her to fight.  
  
"Was that a proposal?" Her smile was faint and her eyes were beginning to close.  
  
"Yes. Yes." The words died out as she tensed up. Her eyes rolled back and her lids closed over them. Her lungs seemed to draw in deeply for one last time. "Oh God." The panic took control, brushing past decades of training. "Relena!"  
  
"You bastard!" She yelled into his ear, small fists pummeling his sides. "You were going to wait until I was out of politics? That could take years! I can't BELIEVE you!"  
  
The only solution was he had snapped. The blood was still spreading on the floor and here Relena was acting as healthy as anything when moments before she was on the brink of death. Something didn't add up. A snicker from the corner alerted him to Duo, who approached the two of them. Only now, Heero noticed that everyone in the room was staring at the little show in the middle of the floor.  
  
"Boy, I thought this was a good idea, but I didn't know how good!" Duo laughed out loud. "We gotcha, buddy. The assassin is right over there." Trowa took off his mask and held up a gun that was undoubtedly filled with blanks. Of course, a Gundam pilot would be the obvious choice as Heero might have shot anyone less adept. Only at this moment did Heero note that Relena was wearing her third favorite skirt and a blouse he had never seen her in before.  
  
Clothes she didn't want ruined, his brain supplied.  
  
The makeup that made Relena look so pale was rubbing off as her red cheeks burned, whether from anger or embarrassment he wasn't sure. It had all been an act.  
  
"I mean," Duo hadn't stopped talking apparently, even though Heero had stopped listening. "I thought for sure we'd get you to admit something, but a proposal..! I'm a frikkin genius!" Heero made a note to disconnect Maxwell's breaks once the opportunity presented itself.  
  
"I'm sorry Heero, but. . . I just had to know." Her eyes were more concerned now. "I wasn't trying to make a fool of you." The next words she said soothed his damaged ego. "I love you more than my life, more than my job, more than anything this life can offer me." He hugged her fiercely. The time to be sullen about this would come later; right now relief was all he could manage.  
  
"I meant it, you know."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Marry me Relena." It was no use hiding it any more, now that there was no need. Everyone knew how he felt, and he was glad of it, despite his hate of showing emotion. At her nod he put one blood stained hand on her cheek and guided her lips to his. What started out chaste quickly became passionate and he lifted from his haze only when Duo began clearing his throat rather loudly.  
  
"Nothin' to see here folks! Move along!" Duo was blushing even as he started to clear out the room. Some people came over to start mopping up the fake blood. Heero helped Relena stand.  
  
"I had better take a shower. I hear that this stuff can stain." Relena contemplated her messy appearance, though the new bloody handprint on her face would be an interesting discovery (especially when it did stay on for several weeks)  
  
"Can I join you?" The question seemed earnest, but Relena could not believe her ears. Did Heero just proposition her, if obliquely?  
  
"Of course you can. We're engaged now, and I think I'll allow a few liberties before the wed-" She didn't even get to finish her sentence as Heero swept her up.  
  
"Mission accepted." He grinned wolfishly.  
  
[[[[AN: The END! Hope you all enjoyed it. It was fun writing it, I must say. . . now I had better attend to other things. . . ]]]] 


End file.
